Yeosang cried and cried for days.
He just cried and cried, not even eating or doing anything else to cope with his emotions. He completely shut down and didn't talk to anyone, not even Wooyoung who was so annoying with knocking on his door and trying to get him to come out.
He just cried until he had no tears left, not leaving his room for days and not being able to calm down no matter what. He just felt so lost, like a part of him is just so suddenly gone.
Jongho is gone. He is never coming back.
And that's what hurts the most. Jongho isn't going to come back, he is not going to hold him or say anything to Yeosang again. He hated that he said he is coming back, he even promised, and now that promise is broken.
Jongho broke his own promise. He isn't going to come back ever again.
He knew he shouldn't have let him go. Yeosang knew that, and yet Jongho left and now he isn't going to see him anymore. Yeosang blamed himself on it, knowing that he shouldn't have let Jongho go.
If he didn't let Jongho go, everything would have been fine. He just knew that it was going to end bad, and perhaps that was the reason Yeosang was so stressed.
It was like he predicted what will happen, and now his worst fears became true. It hurt so damn much to the point Yeosang just couldn't get up and do anything for himself, thinking of also hurting himself almost every day when he woke up if he fell asleep.
He thought it will be better if he is with Jongho. Yeosang is the one to be blamed for his death.
The funeral is just two days away, and Yeosang knows he won't be able to attend. He knows he is so mentally weak to be there, also hating himself for not being able to be with Jongho in his last moments.
He knows he is just too mentally weak to be there. He knows he is, and he would rather spend those moments alone and tried to calm himself down.
It was all too much to take in in such a short period of time, and Yeosang is trying not to have complete breakdowns every single day. It was just too much and too stressful, and Yeosang felt like he wanted to die.
He felt like he was falling in the hole without an end, like he was going crazy slowly and like he was hopeless. He just felt like he was going crazy.
He missed Jongho. Yeosang wished he could turn back time and never let Jongho get back inside, literally would hold him back with his own hands and never let him go. He didn't want this to happen.
Yeosang sobbed in his bed, staring at the empty side and imagining Jongho lying there and giving him that same gummy smile he almost always had when he was around Yeosang. He missed him so much, and all he wanted was to hug Jongho and to feel safe again.
That's all he wanted, even if it took for that to be his last and final wish. He just wanted his Jongho back to be with him, giving him that same smile and hug him to soothe him and just tell everything is going to be okay.
Yeosang just wanted one final hug from him, that's all. That's all he wanted now.
He sobbed as he felt tears fill his eyes again, clutching Jongho's shirt that was besides him and trying to keep his tears in. He just couldn't stop crying for hours already. He was just so lonely without him even if he had both Wooyoung and the members who were there, also grieving for a sudden loss.
He sniffled and brought the shirt up to his face, burying it in and breathing in Jongho's scent. His tears wetted the shirt as he just kept tightening his hold on it, like he was trying to get Jongho back in his arms.
He cried even harder to the point he felt like his eyes and heart were both burning because of it. He just couldn't stop crying and just kept his face buried in his shirt.
For once, Yeosang was finally happy with someone. He was happy when he is with Jongho who treated him nicely, but seems like nothing just worked out for him. All the things Yeosang enjoyed were too short.
He wanted to be with Jongho, literally hoping to die just to be with Jongho again and to kiss those beautiful lips once again for the final time.
Everything hurt, and everyone missed Jongho. Yeosang didn't want to talk with anyone and instead just kept to himself, silently grieving for Jongho.
But what hurt even more was the fact that he knew Jongho won't be coming back ever. He won't see his beautiful smile or his eyes and tattoos ever again.
It was like a part of him was gone. It felt just insane, like he was going to lose his mind. Yeosang kept crying in his bed for days and nothing seemed to make him feel better.
Why do all good things have to be so short? Yeosang felt like his life is now losing all of it's color and meaning when Jongho is gone. It was just so much things to take in, and Yeosang felt so overwhelmed.
Yeosang felt his heart aching as he breathed in and out Jongho's scent, still holding the shirt in his hands like his life depended on it. He just missed him so much, and he couldn't calm down.
He started crying even harder, silently praying to be gone too so he could be with Jongho. He never wished he could take his life more than he did now.
But Yeosang knew Jongho is probably in a better place now. He deserves to be in a better place, and Yeosang just hoped he is going to be alright.
He just hoped he is okay up there.
