unspeakable | jegulus

was it me or was it you?

chapter title: ring ring by abba

James didn't have a moment alone, not even after dinner was over, because Barty was still there, like a ghost haunting an abandoned house. He skulked up and down the halls, draining all of the life force from it's inhabitants. Barty Crouch Junior, the enemy of joy. Walburga had dismissed them with a warm smile as soon as their plates were clean. As Regulus predicted, she had expressed the depth of her worry over him, her concern, until he fixed his eyes on her and told her, not asked—told her—that he was going to go wherever he needed whenever he wanted because he was a man grown, not a child.

She didn't like it, but she smiled just the same as she always did. It was unsettling, the relentlessness of that smile. James suddenly wondered then, looking at her, if that was how other people saw him when he smiled at them all the time. It wasn't really the same as Walburga, though. He was smiling because he had a cheerful nature... right? The only issue with that theory about himself and the way he came across to other people was the unfortunate fact that he hadn't had anything to be cheerful about lately, but he was still always smiling. The expression was as constant as ever. He sat across the table from Walburga and smiled at her, while she smiled at him, both smiles like a mask for some deeper, uglier feeling neither of them could express on the surface.

Lately, he'd been feeling like he was a lake, and all anyone could see when they passed by him was a still surface, with nothing to indicate the depth hidden beneath the stillness all over him. Regulus held his hand when they walked up to his bedroom with Barty.

"How long are you planning to stay?" Regulus asked. His voice was as cold as ice. Maybe Barty had finally managed to piss him off too.

"Your mother told me I could stay in one of the guest rooms, when I got back without you. She said it was getting dark and it was far too late for me to travel home—"

"Does your family not have a floo?" Regulus asked him temperamentally, apparently just as angry as James suspected he might be. Barty glanced at James while he spoke to Regulus. James glared.

"I thought you wanted me around. I guess I was wrong."

"Are you seriously making this about you after what happened today? I'm sick of this." Regulus slammed open the door to his room and strode in, wrath dripping off of him like snowmelt. James closed the door behind them. The noises of the house always fell perfectly silent when this door was closed. He idly wondered if it was enchanted. "What is your problem with James? He did everything you wanted him to do. He proved himself. He tried to talk to you about the problems between the two of you reasonably, like adults, and still you wont leave it alone. What is your problem, Barty? Seriously. I'm sick of this fighting. It isn't fair that the two of you are feuding with each other when you are the two people in this world that I care about the most. If you could just look past whatever issues you have with each other I'm certain you would be good friends, but you wont do it. You're both too bullheaded—"

"I have plenty of perfectly good reasons to hate him," said James. Barty turned to look at him, his black eyes shining ominously in the warm light of this room. They stared at each other in silence for a long time. James didn't like looking at Barty. He wanted to go somewhere he wouldn't have to see him ever again, somewhere far away from both of them. He needed to be alone. "Will you always hate me?"

"I don't hate you." Barty looked away. He seemed uncomfortable. Was it difficult for him to talk about his emotions? He was so similar to Regulus it was dizzying. They shared all of his worst qualities. Maybe that was a bad thing to think about your boyfriend, and his best friend, but James couldn't help it. All it took for Barty to piss him off was a look in his direction. He couldn't stand to breathe the same air as him. "I don't trust you, and I don't like you, but I don't hate you."