unspeakable | jegulus

'til forever

chapter title: till forever by labi siffre

They wandered back over to the bench James abandoned, arm in arm.

Evan and Mulciber were having a very animated conversation in the middle, around a very uncomfortable looking Pandora, Barty and Regulus were sitting as far away from each other as they could physically be, in sullen silence, facing opposite directions. As soon as he caught sight of them Regulus was on his feet.

"Where have you been? I was so worried. You drank so much, then you left. Come here, angel, are you alright?" He tried to pry him away from Severus, but James held fast.

"Me and Severus are friends now. He's so nice. Did you know how nice he is, has he been this nice the whole time?"

"Oh, love, you're drunk."

"Don't be too hasty to dismiss him. We had a very long conversation." Severus removed James' arm from his shoulders. "I do consider James a friend now." He smiled a little. "We got to know each other better and settled some of our differences."

"I thought hell would freeze over before you ever considered calling Snape your friend," Barty called from the bench. James hated him. Hearing his voice made him tense and clench his jaw.

"I like him." James grabbed Severus and squeezed him again. He dropped him back down, mussed his hair. "Sev's wicked smart. He's so nice too, and he gives thoughtful advice, and he's a good listener—"

"Why don't you come sit down, James." Regulus pulled him toward the bench, then paused. He smiled, amused. "Darling, you have grass in your hair." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Where are your glasses?"

"You're so pretty," he said softly. "Look at you." He squeezed his face in two hands. "I could eat you."

"Try this first." Regulus pulled him closer by his tie, like a dog on a lead, into a kiss. Instantly, as if by magic, James forgot all of his misgivings about this boy. He was icy, and soft, and his lips were sweet, and his hair was silky in his hands, and he was so gentle when he pressed his tongue into his mouth, a shy little touch, and James was gone, he was no longer inside of his own skin, Regulus was all of him. He was everywhere, and everything, and James was nothing. He liked being nothing. Regulus was the one who broke the kiss. He had the rose James gave him pinned to his silvery lapel. Had he transfigured a thorn into a pin?

James ran a thumb over a rose petal.

"Not as soft as you," he mumbled under his breath. Regulus held his face in both hands.

"No more disappearing, okay?"

"No more disappearing," he echoed.

"You scared me. I don't like the idea of you wandering around with anyone but me when you're drunk, and when you have that spell in your blood. It blunts your anxiety, so it lowers your intuition. Stay with me, okay?"

"I'm sorry for scaring you." James kissed the tip of his pointy nose. Regulus smiled. Maybe it was the alcohol, but he seemed soft, warm, and sweet. His cheeks were red even though it wasn't all that cold outside.

"I found something for you." James titled his head, eyebrows furrowed.

"What is it?" Regulus held out a flower, soft orange and yellow, like a child would draw the sun.

"A marigold. You." Happiness spread through him, gentle and warm. He felt safe again, in a way he hadn't felt safe before. He took the flower and spun it between his fingers, then sniffed it, quietly smiling. Regulus touched his cheek, fished his glasses out of his robe pocket, and put them on for him. James blinked at the sudden clarity of everything in the world. After living in a gentler, blurrier garden everything looked very sharp and too detailed. James felt small, and so in love. Snape's words rang in his mind distantly, about what he deserved. Wasn't this nice? Didn't he deserve beautiful moments like this?