this time i'll get better

chapter 9: etched

I couldn't imagine how if we were to bump into each other. How awkward it would feel. How somehow in the midst of the awkwardness, time stood still again.

Your eyes gazed into mine, and if you happen to look closely, you'd see the ghosts of our past. Well that is if we were to bump into each other.

Perhaps that is just one of many of my imaginations. We probably wouldn't even be under the same sky. Perhaps our timezones would be completely different, where I daydream of you and you are just about to go to bed.

I guess that is how significant you have been to me. I won't say that you have a special place in my heart but that's just me denying the fact that I do. If I have some balls I would have just if you're still single or if you're seeing someone.

But my cowardice gets the best of me. Well that and the thought of how stupid I would be if I reached you. I know we ended things on good terms. But for someone who has had enough of me, I probably wouldn't want my past to text me out of the sudden.

What I mean is I don't want you to hate me even more when I send "hi".

What I mean is I don't want you to despise me even worse when you see my text.

What I mean is I want to but my negative thoughts would eat me alive,

And my hanging feelings would kill me faster.

Maybe someday, I guess.

Once I get my things together.

Like you said, no one is going to save themselves for another.

It's just when you said that, your name has already been etched into mine.

And I wouldn't regret if I had saved myself for you even when you found someone better than me.

At least then, I can be content.

At least then, I know you've found someone who brings you joy.

I know I would be.

Because I was.