this time i'll get better

chapter 34: private

I enjoy this private life of mine. There's no need of having to post about anything that happened in my life. There's no need of wanting to know about other people's accomplishments besides the ones I hold dearest. I mean, I used to have social media and post about almost everything. My happiness, my sadness, my randomness. But then, besides the fact that I have no friends, I come to realize, if a tree falls in the forest, no matter if anyone heard it, it still falls. Likewise as mine. If no one heard or knows that I'm happy or sad, I still am going to feel that. So I decided, my pain or my joy is not for anyone. No one should bear witness my rise or fall. God is enough to be my companion. Perhaps I've started to feel content of this silent solitude. The more that I spend time alone is for the better. After all, I couldn't help but to ruin beautiful things. Beautiful things that are meant forever but had to stop because of how I couldn't comprehend what it was. And that's all that matters. So I start to embrace this loneliness. At first it was hard. Imagine having to live through days without having to say a single word to anyone after years of talking to that one person who is overzealous to hear what happened to my day. Nevertheless, life's improved. I can organize myself. I can see myself and the world clearly. I start to understand how people act and react. I know how to respond and how not to respond. I leave when I don't fit the piece and celebrate when I'm with the right circle. I don't mind losing people left and right. I'm happy to welcome. I cling most to those who had faith in my heart and journey. How my brothers had always supported and cared. How my sisters would listen and advise. For every thing I've lost in the night had gained me more in the day. For how this simple private life had kept me sane and safe.