this time i'll get better

chapter 40: ended with you

"I take it that you haven't moved on from the past?"

"Pretty much. It's spot on actually."

"Why? They have moved on to better things now, right? Shouldn't you too?"

"I tried. I've met a few people after she left. But I stopped in the middle. I figured, I didn't want that relationship after all. Usually, after I get dumped, all my sadness comes back to that one girl that I wished we would never ever be separated. Not a single shed of tear I ever cried for a girl after her. I guess, love ended with her. All my true love and affection, all my sincere thoughts and efforts, all my genuine feelings. They all ended with her."

"That's tough. But don't you think you deserve to give others and yourself a chance at love? You're not that deserving of something such as pain and trauma. You do realize that right?"

"I do think of that too, but I don't think I have any more of 'it' in me. I do want to love and loved as well, I mean it's a human feeling. But then, I just don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone."

"Love comes with the whole thing, hurt, hurting, tolerating, understanding as well as being the opposite of it."

"Yeah, I know that. She was. She was understanding, she made sure that I don't get too lost in my mind sometimes, she could bring me back from the dead and be alive again. She was that. I just hated that I was too late to make a difference. To become the person that was supposed to love her the way she wanted me to. Needed me to. It's fine, I like how it is now. Sure it does stings a bit. And I will manage not to become a heartless of a person from it. It's just like I said, my love ended with her."