this time i'll get better

chapter 39: option

"You can't choose how your child would turn out but you can choose how your spouse is."

Life is full of options anyways. And I've come to realization that instead of choosing and deciding on who, how, what my future partner would be, I rather be the person. I would cook, do the dishes, clean and pretty much be self sufficient for myself before I could be the one who can take care of others. I've seen so many of my friends who demands this and that just because they think they deserve the things that has been said. However, I am not against them. They are entitled to their opinions. It's just for myself, I'd like to be the one who is chosen to be someone's partner. I feel so honored to be theirs only. To gain their trust and respect that I could take care of them? It's such a privilege. It feels different when you're chosen, doesn't it? Out of all the people that they've met, you are the one they chose for their entire lives.

Now being chosen and being the one they have settled for is different. And it is really confusing how nowadays, people are so witty and petty. Coming up with ideas of being the "settler" and the "one who is being settled for". Who even came up with that concept. If it's love, there shouldn't be a mentality of settling for someone. Just because you are somehow have a higher status above your partner, that doesn't mean you should say that you settled for that person. Love shouldn't be defined by those materialistic values.

I remembered my first love's love. It was pure. Genuine. Forget and push aside all these materialistic and meaningless ideas. It was just innocence. Two souls who came together and loved each other as if nothing would bother. Not money, time or effort went to waste.

"If it was love then why did you break up?"

Love works differently and hard to understand when only one side is working on it. And I pity her for how much she had sacrificed during our relationship. I'll admit, I am not the nicest or the most understanding partner, but I acknowledge her efforts on keeping us intact. And I was just too late to save it. Perhaps our chapter was meant to be forever for a short period and we had to venture out and see the world as individuals. And perhaps, when the time is right, we would find our way back to each other. Nevertheless, the love that had bloom was real. It's just never meant to be.

And from there I learned that I should be the person I would want to be with. Hiccups and accidents happen all the time, we are human after all. And everything that we had done will hold accountable to us, so be that person that younger us would've want to become. And in time, we will be chosen for them. Not as option, as an absolute.