chapter 47: weight

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Do you feel that? The weight?

When everything is going your way and somehow, you felt this unbearable pressure.

When you get the right things in life but you still feel something's missing.

That hollow space in your chest, vacant when everything surrounding it is filled.

You get the job you wanted, you even started to live life. Actually living it. Actually enjoying. Actually having a purpose but somehow, you feel this way.

The weight of everything you had once thought you had let go.

You aced your way through your studies, you made a healthy routine, you reconnected yourself with everything, family, friends, work, studies, God and yet, here you are, staring blankly in the dark.

Wondering, "what is wrong with me?".

I don't want to scare you, but that's me. I'm the weight of all of what could've, should've, would've beens.

I am here to make sure, that you know that I will linger around in your life,

Just when you thought you're safe, when you're comfortable, when you're in your most vulnerable position,

I am there to find you.

To plant seeds of scarcity, fear, disappointment.

Toss and turn as much as you like,

Louden the musics and I'll make the voices in your head louder.

Tense your muscles and mind and tell yourself it's just one of those nights,

And you would only find out it has been a week passed,

Occupy yourself with work, friends and families, I will make it certain that you will find loneliness in the room full of people you love.

Make it obvious or discreet, you're the only one who's carrying the weight,

Rant and you find yourself, ridicule-able.

Stay silent and face endless of sleepless nights.

Just remember, the weight is just the figment of your imagination,

Just remember, as long as you peek what's behind you,

I'm there,

Just remember,

To forgive yourself.

Just remember,

The weight.

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