this time i'll get better

chapter 38: sick

I know I shouldn't be stalking you or trying to find you around the internet. But I did today. They were right when they said that nothing good comes out from being nosy. I should be happy, I am happy, it's just, when I look through one of your posts, there was this one comment. And God didn't it made me feel sick to my stomach. At first I thought you said "honey" to your new man, but it was just one of your female friend. And the sour taste of not being able to be yours make me feel sick. I make me feel sick because I couldn't be that person for you. God I wished I have the courage to man up and say I want you. I need you. I want to love you as much and as long as I can if you let me. I don't care if I seem crazy but God knows my heart aches for you. And I know that both of our lives are going well, you're enjoying your study up in Tyne and I'm trying my best to get through with whatever life throws at me. It's just, it baffles me how you are still in my mind. And soon enough, this sick feeling will me eat me from the inside if I don't address it to you.