this time i'll get better

chapter 30: someone out of town

"Don't tell me you're seeing someone. How could I not know that you are! I mean I'm the closest to you to a brother, so how come you never told me anything?"

I let out a childish giggle,

"I like to keep it private. I mean, we're just getting along, but nothing too serious. I told her, both of us have dreams and goals that would get in the way if we were to be together. So might as well get those goals done first and then settle down together."

"So she's still studying? Where? Who? WHO!"

Dan seems too excited for this news. Perhaps he's seen me single for far too long.

"Like I said, I like to keep it private. She doesn't socialize much and so am I."

"A girl who doesn't socialize? We live in a society where socializing is somehow a need. So it doesn't really make sense for you to find a girl who's the same as you."

"You're rude."

"Look I just want to piece things together. You're a loner. You never really hangout, you work for days, you even cancel plans with us when you're not even working. You don't have any form of social media besides the ones no one actually uses. So do me a favor and tell me how the heck did you land with someone."

"How does this matter? Shouldn't you be content knowing your friend has finally met someone?"

"I am content but now I'm intrigued to know who's that someone that my friend met. Dude there is no freaking way that you somehow managed to meet and have someone get close to you. And even still, you kept it hidden from me? Now you're rude."

"I didn't want to go publicly since we are still in the talking phase."

"So you guys just text? No dates or meetups?"

"It's been a while since we've met but pretty sure our longing is worth the wait when we finally can be together."

"Is she someone I would know? Is she from around here? Don't pull me that 'keep things private' crap."

"She's someone out of town. She used to live here but she moved."

Dan's face went from full of curiosity to a slight confusion and the look of, 'not who I think who it is'.

I just nodded with a smirk and stirred my drink.

He knows this 'someone out of town' person.

He knows that this 'someone out of town' is her.

He knows of this 'someone out of town'.

"So, her? You've spoke to her?"

I let out a sigh.

"Nah, just between the two of us, I like to make believe that we're still together. Her old videos are what makes me wake up in the morning. I just couldn't get over her. In fact, I don't want to. I mean, we're strangers now but we were lovers then. And if I had to feed myself false realities to keep myself sane, to keep myself going, to keep me alive, I don't mind rotting in this fantasy. I don't even stalk or want to know how is she now. I know she already has moved on, I know she will or even better already found a better man. But just for me, Dan, let me be in this state. I'm fine living like this."

He looks worried, his eyes are watery, he just sits there, thinking, 'how can I ever save him'.

"Don't. Just let it go. Please. It's been years."

"How? How can I? I want to be with her. I promised her. Even when she's with someone else, I don't think I could ever recover from her. This is my fate, I've tried. Tried making things better. Finding clarity? Peace? Closure? A partner? Everything gets me back to her. I don't even want this as much as you do. I couldn't even sleep some days and my mind is spiraling out of control. I don't want to be successful but alone. Nothing but that. Anything but that. God, I need her back. I cried, for days, for every time I prayed, I shut my eyes because my eyes are too tired to open. If this is my punishment, I'm fine with it. I've accepted for how I was. It's either her or the silence."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. She's just 'someone out of town'."