"You need to let her go"
Yeah, I did. Somehow, it hurts more to forget about her than to remember her.
"It wouldn't hurt anymore if she's gone"
Really? I beg to differ. It hurts like hell knowing that she's gone. My chest tightens as if I'm constricted.
"It wouldn't hurt anymore when you realize that this is for the best"
Oh. So that dream of being with her wasn't the best?
"You don't have to carry all this weight just to come up empty handed"
I think I wouldn't mind now. The weight doesn't really bear that much.
"What makes you think that if you would save yourself for her, she would even bother to look at this as a grand gesture?"
I don't. It's in my bones. I feel it. Something that I need to do. No. I want to do this. Because I promised to our younger selves that we would grow old together.
"And by the end of it, all of this, everything, will just be nothing. That dream was built by two people, and now you're the only one who's picking up bricks and rubbles. You are in love with that old version of her"
Yeah, it's fine. I perhaps, one day when I'm done building it she'll see, or she won't. Either way, the person I loved, is still her. I'm not doing this for her. I'm doing this for that girl that I fell for back in high school. That girl that shaped me to a person who shouldn't give up on things that matters most. No matter the circumstances. I know she had forgotten about me long ago. It's fine. The home I'm building is a testament that even though the people who dreamt of a future together aren't together, the dream is still there. Just because I'm doing it alone, doesn't make me lonely.
"So, this is what it feels to love?"
Yup, to love and be loved. Too late to love for a person who's too far gone. To love someone who's showed me everything I know about love is.
YOU ARE READING
this time i'll get better
Poetrysome short stories, self-proclaimed poems and presumptuous writings
