this time i'll get better

chapter 35: save

I know, the last time we spoke, you told me not to save myself for you and you won't save yourself for me. And I know, I should've said something, but at that time, I couldn't find the words to it. I know I was supposed to say that I still need you, I still love you. But I was too perplexed with your answer. But let me just be honest, since that day, I tried to uphold that words you said. Not to save myself for you. And instead, I tried improving myself. For you and myself. But I just can't do what you told me. Even after I found out that playlist you made with some other guy, even when we're thousands of miles away from each other, even when you're soaring high and I'm struggling to keep myself afloat. I still am saving myself for you. Because I still love you. And as desperate and delusional as it may seem, I still hope for a sliver of chance that I may get just one more opportunity to love you right. To make things right with you. It's not just because I learned my lesson or I couldn't find anyone who is better, it's because I believe that deep down, that you are the best. And losing you is my greatest loss. And if you ever wonder if I ever save myself for you, I do. And it's not because I didn't find someone better for the past two years or you're my last option or any other ridiculous reason. I am saving myself for you because I want you to know that you are worth the wait. You are worth these sleepless nights and agonizing days. As long as I am far away from you, and till the day I get to be with you again, it's all worth the save.