When people ask me, "have you moved on?", I'll simply lie and say "I have.", because it's easier to deny the fact rather than to explain what my heart is feeling. Because why haven't I moved on? We parted ways peacefully, and we made peace with each other and ourselves. So there is no reason for me to hold on, to feel sad when I look through your photos, to feel envious to the guy you mentioned on your posts. To feel anything practically. Because there shouldn't be a reason why. Well actually, I say that because I like how it feels to love someone without them knowing it. I like how I still remember your birthday and your favorite dishes. I still remember how much you want to open up a cafe when we were together or how you said distance isn't a problem and how you reassured me that it's okay or how I still keep thinking that even if I get better and not be with you, you are still the reason for me being better. How bits and pieces of my life are still connected to you. How these red threads somehow are still wired back to you. Maybe not the current you, but us. How I cried my eyes out when you went to vacation with your family or how you met my mother and we ate from the same plate. I like it how badly this longing feels in my bones. I like it how these tears came from just looking at your picture or just from the thought of you. I like it how every song reminds me of you. I like it how it hurts me as bad as it did to you. I like it thinking that this is my karma. I like it because I'll learn my lesson. I like it. I like it a lot. And perhaps, the saying that goes "when you like something so bad, you soon lose feelings for it" is true. Well actually, even if it's not, I don't mind. I like it this way. I like liking you from afar.
YOU ARE READING
this time i'll get better
Poetrysome short stories, self-proclaimed poems and presumptuous writings
