Perhaps, to some of you, falling in love is easy. It's easy to find someone to love and be loved right? It feels natural, it feels like breathing. You don't have to force or convince the other person to know what your intentions and feelings are. You don't have to ask them if whatever you're going through is valid because as long as they are sincerely in love with you, their mind will compromise. No matter how ridiculous the circumstances are, they will always pull through. It doesn't matter how much of a ruckus you had been, they will find spaces in between to make sure you're loved. Well, perhaps to some of you, loving has been quite the experience.
For me, I can conclude that loving is just a benchmark for how much I can love one person to another. You can guess I have a few lovers before. Hence why I used the word "benchmark". Took me quite some time to realize that the way I love someone is unorthodox, it's paradoxical, it's parasitical. I could love and drain the person at the same time. I could love and still get hate. I could love and rot. Sometimes I do wish that I am that easily to be loved. I guess I hold too much love for someone.
I heard that by watering a plant too much can cause it to die, and perhaps it may be the same reason for why every one of my relationships had wilted. I don't blame them, I couldn't blame the circumstances but I can blame myself.
Anyways, I can only blame myself for far too long. It wouldn't change anything. Loving someone would not change anything, being in any relationship does not change anything. Nothing changes when I involve someone else into my life. It's like a loop.
And now I choose to commit to myself. I guess loving myself wouldn't be that much of a challenge since I can't leave me.
YOU ARE READING
this time i'll get better
Poetrysome short stories, self-proclaimed poems and presumptuous writings
