this time i'll get better

chapter 33: turning red

I'm turning red. I don't mean that I'm blushing. I'm turning into a red flag. I heard somewhere when being alone for too long would make you feel, life is better off on your own. And you would be unfit to have a companion. You would find them irritating for how they want to spend time with you. Because you're used to be alone, your time is yours and yours only. You can do whatever it is that you desire and no one is there to tell you what.

I'm turning into a red flag because I will burn every bridge if the other side of it does not look pleasing or if I have to adapt there. I will cut off, ghost and dump anyone who I see incompetent, useless or just for the fun of it. I admit, some ties that I have cut off are because of I don't know where it goes. So I make up an issue to cut off ties with them. I deliberately severe any connections between them because I felt good when I did that. I don't mind getting heat or hate from it. Because I know what I wanted, who I wanted to be with.

I'm turning into a red flag because I don't, I couldn't appreciate the next person in line. They might have done nothing wrong but because of what I've become, I will self sabotage the relationship. Friends, partner, families. I have lived long enough to realize that connection is nothing because I've built, gained and grew up alone. I didn't needed them then, so why should I ever need them now. Their words painted me as a villain, as a mean person, a narcissist. And? I gained so much just to crumble to their words.

I'm turning into a bright red flag. Because I realized, I am better off in this staggering color. How I've always fancied the color itself. How it represents rage and bravery. How being a red flag and not being dependable doesn't sound bad at all. How people would despise for my victories and triumphs knowing damn well I've worked my ass off for it. How their words and opinions don't even cross my mind for a second because I know, I will always win.