this time i'll get better

chapter 31: here

"You still waited?"

Yes.

"After all these times? Why? Why didn't you called, text or even tried to reconnect?"

I wanted to be better for you but I didn't wanted you to wait for me. I want you to witness the world, even without me. I want you to savor whatever it is that you can get on your own because I know, I am not capable to do so. I'm just a small town boy, you're a big city girl. I understand well enough no matter how hard I try, I could never get you to where you were meant to get. So I sat in silence with myself. Experience life and worked hard so that when you ask me if I still waited, I'm still there, here. The same place but just a different person.

"You still held on to our promise? Even after we ended? I told you not to save yourself for me. I don't want you to hold yourself back from people who can love you better."

I did. And it didn't work out. The buzzing lights and sounds, the people who have far much more to offer, the life I could have lived, those don't mean anything. I loved you, I still love you, I wanted, needed, craved, longed for you, you're etched in my mind. All these people I've met taught me that love is the cruelest feeling of all. How I love you and hated myself for letting us go.

"Even if we could be together, it doesn't promise anything. We wouldn't know if we will be happy together."

And so did our past selves right? What guarantee did we had when we were together? The only thing that kept us together was trust and love itself. How you saw me and how I saw you and we still sticked together. We weren't promised happiness, we made happiness together. We kept each other happy. I was the happiest and from the pictures, I know you were too.

"I thought you had moved on. You just disappeared. Everywhere. I really thought that you had found peace by disappearing. No one does that. Only you pulled that off. I would lie if I said that I didn't look for you."

Yeah. I am pretty good at that. No worries, I still know how you're feeling. I just worry when your Pinterest account has the sad quotes pinned.

"My Pinterest?"

I searched for you. Everywhere. Just so that I can be rest assured that you're fine. Little bits and pieces that help me from my mind panics.

"So, right where we started."

Here.