this time i'll get better

chapter 57: forgive

"I'm glad that when we parted ways, we forgave each other. I really do."

"Why's that?"

"Because, to me, that is when our conscious and intentions are pure. I mean, sure, we are breaking our hearts and feeling unjust, but I was sincere. I genuinely pardoned you and asked for forgiveness. Did you?"

"I,- I don't know. What I felt that day, was me trying not to curse and say how you're able to be fine with us parting ways. I couldn't understand. Didn't you loved me? Why didn't you say that you didn't want to break up. Why didn't you do anything besides letting me go?"

"Oh. I didn't want you to go either. But I know, we wouldn't be happy if we stayed. I know I couldn't be enough. And so for a brief second, I thought, we would be apart for a while, and to come back when we're both in our best versions."

"So you know what was the best decision for the both of us?"

"I made the decision so that you know that you have a brighter life."

"And what makes you think that when I'm with you, I won't have one?"

"Because, I am still picking up the pieces of my life. Because you deserve a life that is well lived. A life that you don't have to worry over someone as problematic as me. A life where you are cared and loved. A life where I don't come as a dead weight. And as you can see, you're soaring up."

"Why didn't you said anything after my last text?"

"Because I know I would do no good to you. I'm a broken person. I don't deserve nice things. I didn't made you feel loved. Right?"

"When did you fall out of love with me?"

"I never did. I still am, to this day, in love with the girl that has helped me countless times to be where I am. And I couldn't be thankful enough. Just because we didn't turned out together, doesn't mean that we weren't in love. I still do. And I know that after our breakup, I would be the last person to come to your mind, so I made sure I disappeared. I made sure that I am no where to be seen. But I also made sure that my love, our love lives on."

"So you hadn't moved on?"

"I have. It's just I want to do both of our younger selves justice by making sure that I achieve what we dreamt together. The house, the job, the vacations, the walk in wardrobe, the island counter in the middle of the kitchen. Those things."

"Why are you living in the past? Why haven't you forgot about those things?"

"Well, because that was the future wasn't it? With you I had a glimpse of what I wanted to be in the future and what I needed to do to get it. So no, I am not living in the past. And no, I can't forget the things that gave me purpose."

"Your life must've been better now hasn't it?"

"Alhamdulillah. Had my fair share of good and bad, but life's been kind."

"That's good. I'm sorry. That we didn't get the ending we wanted."

"It's fine. I'm sorry too that you met me at my lowest. Guess it was for the better."