Break Up
It was a cold, dreary evening when the inevitable finally happened. Magkikita kami ngayon ni Harvey. Nakapag-decide na ako.
I knew it was coming; I had felt the cracks in our relationship for a while now. Still, knowing something and experiencing it are two very different things.
Harvey and I had been together for ten years, but even from the start, a part of my heart had always belonged to Lavin. Harvey sensed it, and tonight, it all came to a head.
Hinihiling ko lang ang peace of mind ko pagkatapos na ito at sana hondi siya magalit sa gagawin ko.
The café where we first met was quiet, dito ko siya unang nakilala pagkatapos sa quiz bee ng school dahil sa celebration, I laughed dahil naalala ko kung gaano kainit ang ulo ko sa kanya noon dahil ang dami niyang tanong.
Harvey had chosen this place, perhaps hoping to rekindle some of the old magic. But as I looked across the table at him.
I saw the sadness in his eyes, the weight of the unspoken words between us. Pagod galing sa duty pero tumuloy pa din dito. Sino ako para sayangin ang lalaking ito sa harapan ko?
"Xena," he began, his voice steady but tinged with sadness, "we need to talk."
I nodded, bracing myself. "I know, Harvey. I’ve known for a while."
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You’re not happy, are you? Truly happy?"
His words were like a knife to my chest. Hindi ko inaasahan ito.
I wanted to deny it, at sabihin sa kanya na kontento ako saamin, pero dapat kong sabihin at gawin ang tama, lolokohin ko siya kung magsisinungaling pa ako.
I breathe heavily. "Harvey, you mean the world to me, but..." I struggled to find the right words I can't hurt him! "But there’s always been this part of me that’s... somewhere else."
"Lavin," he said simply. There was no anger in his tone, just a quiet acceptance.
I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you,"
Hindi ko gustong saktan ka dahil sa katangahan ko, Harvey.
"Harvey I thought I could move on, akala ko makakalimutan ko siya that I could give you all of me. But a part of me has always been stuck in the past, with him." My voice trembled at malapit mg humikbi kung hindi ko lang napigilan.
Harvey reached across the table, taking my hand in his. His touch was warm, comforting, and it made the guilt inside me swell. Tama na.
"I know, Xena. I’ve known for a long time. And I tried to be enough for you, to fill that void. But I can’t compete with memories."
The tears started to fall, and I looked away, ashamed. "You deserve better, Harvey. You deserve someone who can love you completely, without reservations."
"I love you, Xena," he said softly, squeezing my hand. "But I can’t keep pretending that things are okay when they’re not. It’s not fair to either of us."
I looked back at him, seeing the pain in his eyes, and it broke me. "I’m so sorry, Harvey. I never wanted it to be like this."
He shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "It’s not your fault. You can’t control how you feel. And I can’t make you love me the way you love him."
Bakit hindi ka na lang naging si Lavin ha! Bakit?! Hindi mo deserve ang isang katulad ko, you deserve someone better, yung kaya kang mahalin buo at kayang ipaglaban ka hanggang huli, hindi ang katulad kong mananakit at dudurog sayo ngayon, Harvey.
We sat in silence for a while, the reality of our situation settling in. I thought about all the moments we had shared, the laughter, the comfort, the love.
Harvey had been my rock, my constant, but I had never been able to give him the part of me that was still tied to Lavin.
"Do you still love him?" Harvey asked, breaking the silence.
I took a deep breath, the truth heavy on my tongue. "Yes," I whispered. "I do. I never stopped."
He nodded, as if he had expected my answer. "Then you need to go to him, Xena. You need to find out if there’s something still there. You owe it to yourself, and to me."
His selflessness astounded me. Despite his own pain, he wanted what was best for me. "Harvey, I don’t know if Lavin is still the same. Hindi ko alam kung itataya ko na naman ba itong puso ko na naghilom na dahil sayo."
"That’s a risk you’ll have to take," he said gently. "But you can’t keep living in this limbo. Neither of us can."
He wiped my tears.
I nodded. "You’re right. I need to find closure, one way or another."
Harvey stood up, pulling me into a tight embrace. I clung to him, the finality of our goodbye sinking in. "I hope you find what you’re looking for, Xena," he murmured into my hair. "You deserve to be happy."
"So do you," I whispered back, my voice breaking. "Thank you, Harvey. For everything."
He pulled back, his eyes meeting mine. "We’ll always have the good times. And I’ll always care about you. Kapag kailangan mo ako, nandito lang ako, hmm?"
I nodded and cried on his shoulder.
With one last kiss on my forehead, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there with my heart in pieces.
The café seemed emptier than ever, the weight of our breakup pressing down on me. I knew this was the right decision, but it didn’t make it any less painful.
As I walked out into the cold night, I felt a mix of relief and sorrow. Harvey deserved someone who could love him without hesitation, and I needed to confront my feelings for Lavin once and for all. It was time to face the past and find out if there was a future worth fighting for.
The streets were quiet, the city lights casting long shadows. I pulled my blazer tighter around me, a new resolve settling in my heart. It was time to be happy with Lavin. I hope we can.
Sigurado akong mababawi niya ang lahat ng pagkukulang niya sa'kin, pero hindi na niya iyon mapupunan pa dahil sa panahong iyon, si Harvey ang nandon.
For Harvey’s sake, and for mine, it was time to stop running from the truth.
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Happy reading my Twilights! 💚✨
BINABASA MO ANG
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