Finding Peace In The Missing Piece

Prologue

Simula

Ang malamig na simoy ng hangin ay nanunuot sa loob at labas ng aming bahay at tila ba pinaparamdam ang kapaskuhan at aking pag-iisa. Ito ang panahon kung saan masaya ang lahat at walang iniindang problema.

Sana ako rin.

Tumunog naman ang doorbell namin kaya napalingon ako sa kapatid ko.

What the freak? Is that Mom or Dad?

I smiled widely. So we're finally celebrating christmas together!

"Xena, it seems the guests have arrived. Pagbuksan mo na," Kuya Lexus instructed, who was busy preparing food on the table.

With a smile, I opened the gate, ready to greet them. However, my smile faded as I unexpectedly laid eyes on a visitor, causing a resurgence of pain and heartbreak within me.

"Long time no see! Xena! Merry Christmas!" Pagbati ng ilang kaibigan ni Kuya saakin at dumiretso na sa loob.

"Long time, Xena." Pagkasabi niyon ay hinawakan niya ako sa balikat at nilampasan ako, na para bang hindi niya ako minahal noon, na parang wala lang lahat sa kaniya at tapos na, nangyari na.

My hands are trembling. I don't know if it's the cold weather or it's because of Lavin.

Looking back, I should have known him were wrong for me in so many ways, but my heart wouldn't listen.

Bata pa ako non pero alam ko sa sarili kong minahal ko siya ng higit pa sa sarili ko.

Alam kong mali.

While my intuition was screaming silently, I fell head over heels for you. But now, I wonder if that was really even him at all.

Nakakatakot ulit subukan, nakakapagod sumugal sa isang bagay na alam mo namang talo kana sa huli.

Maybe he showed me what I wanted to see, showered me with love I wanted to feel and showed me a future that I wanted to believe in. It's hard to turn off his feelings when everything seems to be clicking...

Until it doesn't any more.

I wonder now if it was just a game to him or he simply pursued me to feed your ego- I'll never really know for sure.

What I do know is that when he left, you shattered my heart into a million pieces.

Truthfully, I should have seen the red flags and warning signs, but we often close our eyes to the truth when feelings are involved.

I'll never say I regret our time together or what happened, because it taught me a lot about myself, love and what I'll never allow again.

The bad taste in my mouth still lingers, but with each passing day, it lessens just a little more. Soon, you'll just be a faded memory and a lesson I had to learn.

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but deep down, I know this is exactly what must have to break our cycle of toxicity..and I'm torn between sadness and relief.

The pain I felt with you has made me stronger, wiser and deeper, and the next time around, I'm not going to be blind. I'll embrace the opportunity to find love if it comes calling, but I'm not knocking on that door any time soon. I'm too busy making myself and my life better, not bitter. I don't need to be fixed, saved or completed..

I just want to be appreciated, respected and loved for who I am. The right person will get that and I'll never have to ask for the things I expect and deserve.

I'm Alexena Alaina Miller, and this time, I'm finding my love within, not with a wrong person. And that,darling, will make all the difference. I'm worth that and much, much more...