Just when I am doing good
Just when I think I'm ok
That I'm over IT
Over you
You pop into my brain
Maybe it's a truck or car that looks like yours
Maybe it's a lyric from a song
Maybe it's a smell
The same cologne
And I'm back to where I started
Back to the memories
I wish I could forget
Erase
Destroy
Back to the longing
Back to the empty
Hallow
Hurtful
Place
I want to let go
Why won't you let me let you go?
Haven't you caused enough grief
Haven't you broken me enough
Haven't you destroyed my ability to love and repair myself
What more could you want
I yell at your ghost
The figment of you that follows me around
I've said these words before
I thought I felt these words before
I grieved over these words before
But not like this
I felt love
I felt safe
I felt my forever
Now I wish I didn't feel anymore
I wish you didn't give me my heart back
For it longs to be in your hands
Wants to be free of my ribs
Free from my tormenting brain
When I said I gave you my heart
I meant it
I gave you the loaded gun
And instead of shooting me
Like everyone else did
Something I knew how to recover from
You strangled me with my own heart strings
Waited until I almost passed out
Then
Left go and left
Now I'm gasping for air
But it seems you took that with you
Why won't you let me heal?
Why can't you let me let you go?
Why must you hurt me when all I EVER wanted to do was LOVE you?
Why must you prove to me that I am unloveable?
Why
Why
Why
Why can't I let you go?
For you are killing me
