All people I've dated were mentally ill.
My first had Depression.
Second had ADHD.
Third had Hyper-ADHD and Anxiety.
My most recent prospect has Religious-OCD and Anxiety...
Which is why I decided I'm not gonna date him.
Dating someone with a mental illness is tough. Is not for everyone.
Even, as the perseverant person I am... I couldn't handle it.
You have to set yourself aside to take care of them. Your needs become nonexistent. You're not equals.
I don't wanna be a mother ever again... it's exhausting.
I had to become the mother of my sister for almost a decade. And I put myself through the unnecessary weight of taking on the role multiple times while dating.
I just want peace.
...
It's heartbreaking because, unlike my ex, he is mature. He has great qualities. He's someone I respect and admire.
But he is mentally ill. He wouldn't be able to take care of me, in the emotional sense.
Not that I need someone to ease my mental state or emotional health. I wouldn't depend on him to be happy. But, he wouldn't be able to calm me down because he has anxiety. He'd increase mine exponentially. Our weaknesses would clash.
He'd be able to provide for me. But I don't know if he'd protect me. It would be hard for him to do so. I would most likely be the target of his episodes.
It's risky, complicated and depressing, to date someone who's sick. Because their pain becomes yours. And you can never be completely calm. You're always on alert mode. You're always prepared for whatever situations arise. I learned to be more patient, to solve problems and to stay calm in hard situations, out of my experiences. But with the learning comes a lot of suffering. A lot of anger. Sometimes physical battles. (Getting punched or pushed). Someone constantly tests your limits, and you have no rest.
It's like you die and revive, every day.
And overtime you get depressed.
Or traumatized.
But then you get over it and try again. You have to get over it, you have no choice but to swallow your pain. You learn to set your feelings aside. You become numb, but then stronger.
You learn self-control.
You learn what sacrifice is.
But it drains you.
...
Next time I meet a guy, I'm gonna ask him from the start:
"Are you sick?"
