Of Thunders, Cigarettes, and Heartbreaks (Sweater Weather Series #1)

Chapter 49

this love — taylor swift

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Heal

Hinayaan ko lang siya umiyak sa balikat ko nang halos ilang minuto. I comforted him and made sure he felt heard as he opened up to others for the first time.

I know how hard it must be for him to finally express all the emotions he had been bottling up inside. Alam ko dahil ganoon din ako dati. Hindi naging madali sa 'kin ang unti-unting ipakita sa ibang tao ang nararamdaman ko at sabihin sa kanila kung anong bumabagabag sa akin dahil nasanay na akong hindi napapakinggan.

We've spent our lives feeling voiceless in our own homes and it took an enormous amount of courage for us to finally let it all out. At kung ano man ang mga nagpapabigat sa amin, wala akong ibang hiling kundi makalaya kami parehas.

"Tubig?" alok ko nang medyo kumalma na siya, nakaupo na sa bean bag chair at nakatingin sa mga gusaling nasa harapan.

"Salamat..." aniya saka iyon tinanggap.

I sat back down on the metal chair where I was sitting before. Pinagmasdan ko siyang tumitig sa harapan namin. Tulad ng dati, hindi ko yata talaga maiiwasang purihin ang mga mata niya. They look really pretty, and his thick brows complemented them even more.

Kapansin-pansin sa mga mata niya na umiyak siya kaya baka hindi 'yon makatakas sa paningin ni Kuya. Pero sigurado namang hindi 'yon mang-aasar lalo na't kahit hindi niya sabihin, alam kong kuryoso siya sa nangyari kay Sanjo.

The moment I heard what had happened to him, I hated his family even more. Hindi ko maiwasang magalit sa kanila noong kami pa lalo na kapag umuuwi si Sanjo sa akin na puro sugat. I didn't know it was his family, but I realized afterward because it seemed to be a sensitive topic whenever we talked about them.

Paano nila nagagawang sisihin ang anak nila sa nangyari? He was just a kid, and all he ever did was try to save his little sister. Gaano ba kahirap pakinggan ang isang anak upang manatiling bulag sa katotohanan nang ilang taon?

Iniisip ko pa lang lahat ng hirap na dinanas niya sa kanila mula pagkabata hanggang ngayon, parang nadudurog na ang puso ko. He had no one... No one to listen, no one to understand, no one to assure him that it wasn't his fault. He grew up believing he was the reason his sister died...

"Pasensya na kung... sumabog ako. Balak ko sana sabihin sa'yo nang maayos kaso--" I immediately cut his words off.

"You don't have to apologize for your emotions, Sanjo. It's okay to feel hurt, to feel lost. You're only human, and it's natural to carry the weight of what you've been through. You don't have to bear it alone, though. Ayos lang na sumandal sa ibang tao... sa akin..." Tumingin ako sa mga ulap na tanaw mula sa kinauupuan namin. They all looked heavy... and I know that any day, they'd release all those burdens in the rain.

"The past may haunt you, but it doesn't define you. You are not your mistakes, and you're not responsible for things beyond your control. It's time to forgive yourself, to let go of the guilt that isn't yours to carry. You deserve peace, Sanjo..." I continued.

Those were the words I needed when I was the one going through it. Loving him showed me what true love feels like. Growing up, I always knew the kind of love that was violent, the one that came with darkness and pain. I had always thought that was what love should be, because that's all my family made me feel. 

But then... he taught me the love that comes with silence, comfort, and peace. It was a love that didn't demand, but simply embraced. 

A love that healed instead of hurting, a love that felt like home.