It's wrong, but she is mine! (Jayfeather X Female Reader)

Chapter 19

Jayfeather stuck with Y/W/N in the Windclan medicine cat den all day, ignoring anything else that was happening. Leafpool attempted to get him to come out once, but he angrily told her to leave him alone, to which she backed off.

Jayfeather laid his head of Y/W/N's side, listening to her laboured breathing and coughs, worry completely filling him. What if she doesn't make it? I should be able to help her.... I'm a medicine cat for Starclans sake

Jayfeather felt so useless as her watched the she-cat lay there, especially since she had run into the fire for him. His paws churned at the soils beneath him as he thought of why him and his litter mates couldn't leave.

Stupid Ashfur, obsessed over Squirrelflight. It's his fault Y/W/N's like this. Jayfeather sighed and nuzzled Y/W/N's neck.

"Please wake up Y/W/N.... I love you...." He murmured, desperately trying to say anything that the she-cat might hear and wake up. But the voice he heard was not the one he was hoping to hear.

"You what?" Firestar asked, and Jayfeather sat up in shock, not having noticed the Thunderclan leader entering.

"I.... uh....." Jayfeather stammered, trying to remain calm. "I just... care about her, okay? I am a medicine cat, it's my job to care for my sick clan mates..."

Firestar nodded "That's true, but I've never heard of a medicine cat saying they loved a cat, in any context" He said, sitting down on the other side of the unconscious Y/W/N.

Jayfeather didn't know how to respond, fear of his outburst having outed his love for Y/W/N. He sighed and went to speak, before he felt Firestar's tail tap his nose, signalling him to stay silent.

"Look, I can't dictate how a cat should feel. No one can. But what I can do is warn you that you need to remember you're a medicine cat. You know the code about having mates, correct?"

Jayfeather nodded, and Firestar continued "Keep it in mind. What I will also say is that you will need to keep your emotions in check. You can't shut yourself off when you're grieving over Y/W/N, especially if she ever dies. Right now you're lucky to have Leafpool, but at some point you'll probably be the only medicine cat we have, and Thunderclan can't afford to have you shut down at that time"

Jayfeather nodded along silently, unsure of where the Thunderclan leader was going with this

"I'll let this slide this time, seeing how Barkface, Kestrelpaw, and Leafpool can all treat cats. But try not to shut down like this in the future, or I will be forced to rethink my decision"

Jayfeather nodded, and Firestar left the den, Jayfeather listening to the leader pad out. His blind gaze shifted back to Y/W/N, his worry only growing stronger as she remained unconscious.

Jayfeather laid down and nuzzled into Y/W/N's neck, closing his eyes in an attempt to dream walk into her dreams. It worked last time, please work again.

Unfortunately when Jayfeather opened his eyes, it was still darkness and he could scent that he was still int the Windclan medicine cat den. Mouse-dung! Y/W/N must not be dreaming

Jayfeather could feel the overwhelming worry inside of him, and he shook his pelt, trying not to let himself cry. He didn't need another cat questioning him about his relationship with Y/W/N, especially since Firestar now knew.

As Jayfeather kept attempting to dreamwalk into Y/W/N's dreams, he felt a paw prod his side. He groaned and got up, scenting the Windclan medicine cat Barkface.

"Hey, you've been at Y/W/N's side since you guys got here. Thunderclan is heading back to see the camp and damage, you should go with them Jayfeather" He explained.

Jayfeather desperately wanted to argue with Barkface, to stay right here with Y/W/N, but he couldn't find a reason that wouldn't give away his feelings. So with a sigh he got up. "Thanks for telling me Barkface" He said grumpily, and trudged out of the den, glancing back towards where Y/W/N lay before leaving.

Jayfeather could smell all the soot and ash from the fire, and heard everyone talking about how black the forest now seemed. But he couldn't care less about anything about the forest, his only worry remained on Y/W/N's condition.

Barkface had told them that he'd inform Thunderclan on when Y/W/N wakes up, but Jayfeather knew that he still probably won't get to be with her until she returns to the Thunderclan camp.

As the Thunderclan cats padded into the hollow, warriors started talking about all the dens damage and how they would have to start the repairs. Jayfeather and Leafpool went to the medicine cat den to check on the herb store.

Pretty much all the herbs near the entrance had gotten soot and ash on them, but with the medicine cat den having been in a cove in the wall, they were luckily pretty safe from the actual fire. Still, the two medicine cats had to sort through the herbs to see what was and wasn't salvageable, as the soot, ash, and smoke still affected the herbs.

Jayfeather could barely keep his focus on the herb sorting, and suddenly he felt Leafpools tail graze his spine. "What?" He asked, a little harshly.

Leafpool didn't seem taken aback by the tone she replied in; "Are you okay Jayfeather? You've missed a few herbs in your check" She asked, and Jayfeather sighed

"I'm just.... worried, okay? None of your business" He said, grumbling a little bit as he went back through to find what he'd missed.

Jayfeather heard Leafpool sigh but he didn't care to listen in to her anymore. He absentmindedly searched through the herbs, picking out unusable ones.

A few days had passed since the fire. Jayfeather was constantly thinking about Y/W/N, but Windclan had yet to send any news about her condition.

Over the few days, Jayfeather had also thought about what Squirrelflight had said. "They're not my kits!" Those words and Y/W/N's condition stuck with the medicine cat, and he had also began to worry about who his true parents could be.

Could I have been born to a loner, or maybe a rogue? He thought I guess that would give me something in common with Y/W/N. His heart ached as he thought about the she-cat, and wished he could just run back to the Windclan camp.

Please don't die Y/W/N........