Destiel one shots

In the Quiet Between Heartbeats

It was three days after Death had come and gone and it was strangely quiet. The Bunker was still. Dean was out on a supply run. Cas was in the library, quietly re-shelving books. The silence felt softer now. Sacred.

Sam had been waiting for the right moment and now, as he stood at the edge of the room, he knew there wouldn't be a better one.

He stepped forward, "Cas", he said and Cas turned, hands still on a leather-bound volume of celestial lore, "Sam", he said not even surprised.

Sam rubbed the back of his neck, "Got a second?", he asked a little awkwardly and Cas nodded, "Of course", he said.

Sam gestured toward the chairs, they sat across from each other at the long oak table, the light from the green-shaded lamp cast gentle halos over their faces.

"I've been thinking", Sam began, "About what happened. About what you said. About how many lives you've saved", he said trying not to be rude.

Cas watched him, silent indicating him to go on as Sam hesitated, "But you don't save everyone. Do you?", he asked.

Cas didn't flinch, he nodded once, like he has accepted and he had a reason and he did, "No. I don't", he stated simply.

Sam exhaled, "Can I ask why if it's ok?", Sam asked and Cas smiled slightly before looking down at his hands.

They were scarred now—not visibly, not to mortal eyes—but Sam could feel the age in them. The weight. He looked like the pages of a very old book, handled too many times but never forgotten.

"I used to try," Cas said quietly, "At first, I saved everyone I could. No distinction. No balance. Just... life, returned. Again and again", he said honestly.

He looked up, his eyes were so ancient now, even behind the softness, that it made Sam stagger mentally, how can one live on with that much memories and past, was his only thought.

"And then the world started to bend. Threads snapped. Fates recoiled. I healed a man who murdered his family a week later. I resurrected a child who lived in agony until she begged to die again", he continued pain slipping into his voice.

Sam swallowed hard, "I realized... mercy isn't always kindness. And life—real life—has to mean something. It has to be wanted. It has to be ready", Cas explained.

Sam nodded slowly, "You... choose now", he said, "Yes," Cas said smiling in a sad way, "Not because I think I'm better. But because I listen. To the soul. To its rhythm", he said.

He leaned forward, "You asked me why I don't save everyone", he said and Sam nodded and Cas looked pained.

"Because some don't want saving", he stated and Sam blinked, "I am sorry?", he asked not fully understanding.

"I healed a man once," Cas continued, "He was drowning in addiction. Alone. I restored his body. Gave him a clean start", he said.

He paused, "Two months later, he walked into traffic. Not because he was in pain—but because he thought he didn't deserve the second chance. Because he couldn't believe he was worthy of it", Cas said his voice cracking.

"I don't just heal bodies, Sam. I feel what they feel. I take their memories. Their sorrow. Their fear", he said and sat back in the chair, looking suddenly so very tired.

He touched his temple as if all the memories were surfacing as he talked about it and Sam looked worried, Dean wasn't here.

"There's only so much a soul can carry. Even mine", Cas said controlling himself, Sam's throat was tight, "Why keep going?", he asked.

Cas smiled faintly as if it was simple, "Because sometimes... I find a soul ready to live. A girl who just needed someone to say her name again. A boy who stopped believing anyone cared. An old woman who had one more story to tell her granddaughter", he said and suddenly his smile seemed brighter than anything Sam has seen.

He met Sam's eyes, "And those moments make everything else worth it", he said and Sam also smiled this time.

Sam's voice came out small, "Do you... ever regret the ones you let go?", he asked and Cas looked away.

"Every day", he said and suddenly no more questions were needed to be asked and silence settled between them. Not heavy. Just real.

Then Sam leaned forward, voice quiet, "And do you ever... resent the people who ask you to save them?", he asked.

Cas blinked, "Never", he said and Sam looked down at his hands, this was a sensitive topic, "What about Dean?", he asked.

Cas paused, then smiled, "Dean doesn't ask me to save him. He asks me to stay. That's different", he said.

Sam smiled too, faintly, then something flickered in Cas's grace as if the sudden remembrance was surfacing to every memory.

"Would you like to see them?" Cas asked softly, Sam tilted his head, "See what?", he asked confused.

"The ones I didn't save", Cas said and Sam's heart clenched, "Wouldn't that be... cruel?", he asked feeling the smallest pain on the ones he had lost during hunts.

Cas shook his head, "Not all of them died in pain. Some... passed in peace. I remember them. I honor them. I carry their names", Cas said and Sam thought for a second and nodded.

Cas lifted his hand— And light unfurled. Not harsh. Not radiant. Just soft images, like water on old film.

A woman holding her partner's hand, eyes closed with a smile. A child surrounded by siblings, laughing one last time. An old man who kissed a dog's forehead, "I'll see you soon", he whispered.

Sam's eyes blurred with tears, "These were the ones who asked for rest," Cas said, "And I gave it", he said and pulled his hand away.

The images faded and Sam looked struck, Cas looked at him, honest and open, "I'm not just an angel of life, Sam. I'm also a witness", he said and Sam hugged Cas tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered not knowing what else to say to this... miracle, this selflessness, Cas tilted his head, pulling away.

"For what?", he asked confused, "For carrying them. For remembering them. Even when no one else did", Sam answered simply.

Cas smiled softly, "Someone has to", he said and in the quiet that followed, Sam finally understood—

That Cas didn't heal the world because he could. He did it because he wouldn't let it suffer alone.