riptide- outer banks

105 | my greatest fear or my reality?

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Carrie was done.

She didn't want to be, but she was.

She had been trying for the past seven and a half years. She had been trying so damn hard and where had that gotten her? It doesn't work when one person stops trying part way through. She was tired of being okay with things she wasn't okay with. In other words, she was done. She was done with all of it.

So much for the life they'd built– the life that he had carelessly thrown away.

There was no point fighting for someone to love you. Carrie was supposed to be fighting for him, but it was no use. She couldn't fight to save what was already lost. They would always and forever be rudimentary. An unfinished sentence, trailing off with no conclusion.

It was at that moment, her son walked through the door. Eight year old little JJ had the biggest smile on his face, blue eyes filled with joy. The second he saw his mom, though, he knew that it was bad. Whatever he'd missed while at Pope's had been really, really bad.

"Hey, baby." Carrie expressed, either side of her mouth curving up as he made his way over to her. "How was Pope's?"

"Good." JJ responded, gaze narrowing at her. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Just go to your room, okay?"

"Okay."

His eyes remained on her, constantly glancing back before he was gone. He hadn't gone to his room though. He'd gone to Kori's. And she couldn't blame him– not after what he could guess had occurred between her and Luke.

Almost as if on cue, a car door slammed shut, sound echoing through the air. Carrie flinched, her heart beginning to race as the front door was eventually thrown open. Luke came stumbling through the living room next, a bottle of beer in his grasp.

Taking a swig, he locked onto her light eyes. "Don't say a damn thing. Not a damn thing to me."

Carrie swallowed down the hatred in her throat as she stood, turning around to face him as he passed by her. "I'm done."

"'Course you are. Not like you give any shits."

"No, Luke. I'm done." Carrie reiterated, head beginning to shake as he finally turned around to face her. "I can't do this anymore."

Luke scoffed, an almost amused expression appearing on his face. "Why? 'Cause life is too hard for you. Grow up. I'll find another job."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it." She just shook her head at the man she used to love. "I miss us. I miss the us we were before everything."

There was a beat.

"I miss who we were when it was just us."

Something in Luke seemed to awaken, his green eyes flashing with shock and rile. "You're really gonna blame them?!" He shouted, throwing his hand out to gesture towards the hallway. "What the hell is wrong with you? Like, actually, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Carrie's head tilted. "You're really gonna ask me that? I think the real question you should be asking is what isn't wrong with me."

"Screw you." Luke spat out.

"No, screw you! This is bullshit– all of it." Her mind continued to race, thoughts just spilling out of her mouth at this point. "We wouldn't be in this situation if we'd never had them. If we'd never–" Before she knew what was happening, Luke backhanded her. Carrie's head was thrust to the side, pain shooting up her jaw as she bitterly locked back onto Luke's gaze. "I hate you."