'My Dearest Reader,'
Dear reader,
You wont believe it when I told you I've wasted my youth in this life,
Felt like I have died long time ago; I'm not in the casket that's stife,
But I've been dead since I was sixteen, or fifteen at most,
Living another fifty years of life that feels forced.
I look through people's picture wondering where I'd be,
The search turns from minutes to hours just to find a trace of me,
And I realise I've always preferred to hide in plain sight,
Avoiding people; stay out of the radar, stay out of fight.
I've kissed ghosts of people I liked,
Trying to find someone to fill the loneliness by my side,
Looking for another soul that might carry their shadow,
Hoping this one will look at me the way they'll never know.
Dear reader,
Half of my soul has already rotted away,
I walk each day, but my mind tends to stray,
What will I achieve in this life?
In my chest, I wish I could pull out this knife.
It's funny to think how death means different to each,
Some thought it brings peace if their faith is in reach,
Some believe we'll turned to dust which would be the way I hope,
The thought of meeting the ones they lost the only way to cope.
Not that I say death is a bad thing, dear reader,
It's just an odd thing to happen to someone younger,
Maybe it's a way to say death would linger around us,
We will never know how long we'd last.
Dear reader,
It feels like I'm frozen in the middle of summer,
When I thought I'd just started, but for other it's over,
Make me wonder; is it me or are they the problem?
The circuit is not faulty if only one bulb dims.
I've lost and I've hope and I've lost and I've claimed,
Everything happens for a reason, though it never feels the same,
Time ticking, but you barely realise it,
One second turns into years; you were once twelve, now you're fifty-eight.
I was having the time of my life,
In this car I felt I wasn't the one to drive,
Then another second I was walking to a house no longer a home,
Nobody's there, so I go back to roam.
Dear reader,
I look into people's windows,
Like some psychotic weirdo,
Trying to see what happiness looks like,
Just to feel this emptiness that I can no longer hide.
Then I saw my friend who found a friend who finally cares,
Blowing their birthday cake; I never remember theirs,
No one sees you're losing when you're playing solitaire,
Especially when you're stuck in the middle of the stairs.
They'll never know how many stars I've counted,
It feels like a waste, doing what no one's wanted,
But maybe I find comfort in what no one can offer,
The constellations charting the path I might meet a lover.
Dear reader,
Take your time, don't ever rush it,
In the future time, you'll regret it,
Stop for a moment and look around,
Appreciate your view and enjoy the sound.
Don't walk the path that I did,
Don't take advice from someone with a mind of a kid,
Don't say the things that I've said,
Don't wander in dark at night, stay still in your bed.
Don't wear my shoes, I've blistered raw,
Don't speak my words, they left no one in awe,
But if you must, dear reader, read between the lines,
You might find your truth hidden beneath mine.
tamat.
-2025
