Officer Mako x Reader

WELCOME TO THE HELL THAT IS MY LIFE

My dears! My loves! My babes! How are you all? I...? Am strangely euphoric. I've been cussing people out at work, and everyone is trembling. They're all telling me how valuable I am to the department because I threatened to turn in my laptop and leave. And I am just nodding along as if their compliments mean diddly squat shit 😊but....hmmm, it feels good to shake things up a bit! Either way, yet again, to reach a resolution, in some way, and smooth things over, I came up with allllll the solutions yet again, while my two idiot supervisors sat around fuming.

Still, your email is disrespectful, and my title has earned me a certain level of respect. 🥴🥴

Listen, honey, if you sit on your ass and do nothing and make me do everything and then say that's just the way the cookie crumbles, then that title isn't worth two fat foul funky shits in my book, dumb-dumb.🤓 And yes, guys, this is still in reference to the 34-year-old dumb-dumb who can barely remember to come to work on time with her clothes right side in.  The dumb-dumb they're making me supervise, babysit, monitor her bathroom breaks, you fucking name it.🙃😊

I AM 28 BY THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. 

Oh, and my love life??? A LITERAL whirlwind. I have been laughing for a solid TWO WEEKS OMFG.😂😂😂🤓


One, the "hot coworker," yeah, remember him? Has been real goblin-looking to me lately, and when you factor in the fact that he hasn't had sex in nine years, the way he led me on for two years, and the fact that he's 5'7" and BALD??? Ehhhh? You kind oooooof....lose your luster, buddy. So, I haven't even registered as a sexual being in like a solid year.

Anyways, long story short: 

TWO WEEKS AGO, he was running around the building looking for me because my other coworker texted me and said: Yeah. He keeps looking for you. He came in like three times. 

So I texted him: What's up? M said you were looking for me? It's 3:30, I'm out the door.

I just ran back up to your desk.


I'm literally on the bus, going home. It's 3:30. What's up?


I just wanted to see if we could chat before your class tomorrow.


Well, I was going to be working from home the next two days, so I wasn't coming back to the building immediately, so I told him to swing by my house. Tell me whyyyyyy this globlin ass FOOOOOL came over here to tell me he's dating a bitch we used to work with, like I gave a damn😭😂💀

 I said: oh, well I could've told you that was coming. I told her to go for you like five times. 

He's sitting there blinking, stuttering, and sweating: Oh, I guess those conversations must've taken place when I wasn't present??? 

Me: duhhhhh. It was so obvious she liked you. I said. Take him! I don't know why she waited so long to jump at the opportunity. 😂😂

Then I asked him y'all: 

Are you going to treat her well?

Him: I'm....I'm gonna try. 

OOF. 💀💀💀💀

I said: Hmph. Well, she has low self-esteem, so you really don't even have to try. She'll never leave you. 😌

I then asked if he could help me get this box from the top of my closet. He does because he's such a good little boy and in the box was a sweater he gave me like three years ago for my birthday. I draped it over his shoulders and said:


give this to your girrrrrl😊😁

We then head back to my living room. I tell him about my life, how I will literally quit this job and be a parking lot attendant and read all day and just be so damn happy because these bitches have me fucked up, and he's sitting there all somber like...

oh...well, what about...school? 😥