In Between

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I sit here
In between theses
Four walls
Exhaling
And inhaling
Trying to find unity
With ones self
But only regret
Has become of my end result

I sit here sulking
Wishing I could change my past
Realizing I am fucked
I screwed up every dream
I ever had
Every expectation for myself
I lost my way
When I committed this one act

I sit here
In between these
Four walls
Alone
Thinking about life
How one moment
You could be soaring high in the sky
The next barely crawling
And getting by

I close my eyes
Trying to blink away
The burning sensation
I get right before I cry
Making it worse
These are what you call
Life's choices
They hit you at every turn

I sit here
In between these
Four walls
To my left is my double door closet
Once filled with many clothes
And shoes
Things that don't mean
A damn thing now

A Cross
Is the wall
Where my families
Pictures reside
Memories
Of loving and very humorous times
I often look at those
Pictures
Seeing the happiness
That wasn't just put on those faces
But written in our body language
And I swear it amazes me

I'd do anything to go back
To when I can actually say
I was happy
When life actually had meaning

I sit here
In between these
Four walls
Leaned back on one
Facing the room entrance
Watching my empty wallet
Sway at a steady paste

Running my fingers
Through my bed head
Smelling the food
I was supposed to be preparing
Simmering
In the kitchen
On the other side of my door

One text rolls in
Then two
I read and reply back
With simple answers
I hear the birds
And other insects
Outside my window
Moving about
Making what seems like music to them
And agitating sounds to me

I sit here
In between these
Four walls
Because it's like a safety net
Catching me
Before I fall

I want to break free
Busting through those doors
Restarting
Giving myself the first chance
I never had

Taking initiative
Taking charge in my own life
A fool
I will no longer be
Emerging from the
Tattered clothes
And fog

Reinventing myself
Making
Me into the person
I've always
Wanted to be
Because I never wanted
To be In between
These four walls
I swear it feels
As if their
Closing in on me


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