They say
Suicide is not an option
But from where I'm sitting
It's seems to be the only thing
That keeps my gears turning
Late last night I stood inches
Away from a moving train
And thought to myself
Jump...
As I moved inches closer
My heart rate didn't speed up
Or trimmer
Then a jolt of what if you live?
How are you going to pay that hospital bill?
Ran though me
After it passed
I laid across the tracks thinking
About the last time I've been shot at
How I wish those bullets
Were to rip and burn wholes
Through my body
How I'm living but I'm really not
You ever felt broken beyond repair
Too many times
I've knelt down
And prayed myself to sleep
Too many times
I've lost my way
Then somehow you found me
Circling the drain
Rescuing me from drowning
They say
Suicide.
Is.
Not.
The.
Answer.
Right?
But where do you go from here?
See I've been that kid
They've cut so deep
Once it's healed it left a scar
Like I've had surgery
I've been that kid
That needed to express themselves
So to express
I carved my brothers name
Into my left arm
That pain felt so good
That pain made me feel again
See I was that kid
That told everyone else
This was never a good thing to do
Then when I went home
And shut my door
I grabbed that blade
Hidden in my third drawer
The first time wasn't my last time
Because guess whose cutting again
The pain I have in my chest
Is leaving me
Teary-eyed
My face tear stained
And my body marked up
These are my newest additions
To my tattoos
No covers ups
Can cover up
This pain
That can be clearly viewed
I'm black and white
But only you saw me
In that vibrant color
You called me blue
You said yellow fellow
Orange you glad I came to see you
Bruh ya lame ass
Had me geeked
Had me walking
Skipping and jumping on cloud nine
Right along with you
Now you are the gloom
That fills my skies
You're the rain clouds
That poor then thunder
I'm not weak
But
I'm not sure what else
I can possibly go through
Before going insane
Three hundred and sixty five days a year
I've been on this earth for twenty
The last four
Of those twenty
Has made me want to disappear
Into nothingness
The next chance i get
Will be my last
Just watch and see
