Hard Love

Chapter 31

I like it. I really, really like it. But the I feel like it's wrong. Really, really wrong. I pull away and Jake looks confused. "I'm sorry," I say. "It's just that I feel like this is wrong."

"Why can't it be right?"

"It just can't."

"How so?"

"I'm with Jay. Not you. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I guess I should blame myself. I should have figured such a pretty girl like you is already taken."

"You think I'm pretty?"

"Gorgeous." Now I'm blushing. I feel like it's wrong that I like him a lot more then Jay right now. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm with Jay. But there's something in the back of my mind telling me I want to be with Jake. I'm just not sure what to do right now. Should I go with Jake? Or should I stay with Jay?

I just don't know right now. My thoughts get interrupted when I hear Jake say, "You seem like you can't decide if you should be with me or Jay." I'm blushing like crazy. On the inside, I'm screaming as loud as I can and I'm freaking out. How could he have noticed? Was I really that obvious?

"I don't want to rush you or put a lot of pressure on you, but you kind of have to decide if you want to be with me or Jay more," Jake said. Now I'm really freaking out! I don't even care if it's showing. He's making me decide between my present boyfriend and him. They're both so sweet, smart, and caring. How does he expect me to decide? Just pick randomly? Or am I supposed to think about this nonstop? I mean I can just go through the pros and cons of each of them. Even if that is immature or something like that. That's the easiest and the option that'll be honest. Right? Even if it isn't, I'm still going to do it. I'm running low on options. I look up for a quick second and notice that Jake isn't looking at me anymore. He's looking down and out the windows. I don't blame him, though. If I were him, I wouldn't want to look at me either.

"I think I should be leaving now," I say trying to break the awkward silence. I'm honestly hoping he responds or something. I get up from my seat and start for the door. Then I hear my name. "Kay, wait," Jake says. "I'll walk you home." I smile and say, "Okay."

We both walk out of the door and head for my house. It's pretty quiet for the most part. I try to make small talk, but it doesn't really work. Jake isn't helping at all, but that doesn't make sense to me. He clearly feels the awkwardness of this silence too. I just don't get why he isn't keeping the conversation going. Maybe it's still the whole making me decide thing? I don't know, but I don't worry about it. I feel like Jake would tell me if something was up with him. Or am I just completely wrong? I don't know.

We get to my house and I say thank you for lunch. We say our good byes and I walk into the house. I sit by the door and just sit. I don't know what else to do. Then it comes to me. I grab a piece of paper and a pen. I walk over to my couch and start to write. It takes me about twenty minutes until I fully finish. The great thing is, is that I now know who I'm going to be with and who's heart I'm going to have to break, no matter how hard it is.