SaiLem Three {DANGER: I'm Falling For You}

15. Hallucinations

Cyann

I really despise myself now.

Imagine, I’m trying to make a move on her, tapos biglang masusuka? How embarrassing. Baka mamaya, Clementine might think I’m disgusted by her when in fact, I really wanted to kiss her to prove my point that I like her. What a failure that attempt was. Or maybe, may guardian angel siya who’s protecting her purity kaya ayaw nang manakawan ko ulit ng kiss si Clementine especially now that I already know what I feel for her.

Naramdamang kong hinahagod ni Clementine ‘yung likod ko while I am at the kitchen sink, waiting for my stomach to decide if it would expel everything that I drank earlier or not. And I want to punch myself para makatulog na lang, forget everything when I wake up so I’d still save face and look cool in front of her.

Then again, my body seems to have a mind of its own and I double over to let out a huge and disgusting barf. I hear Clementine click her tongue and she leaves me while I sag on a chair, feeling so spent and weak. I lay my head on the table and close my eyes. Tama. She should just sleep and let me tend to myself. That would spare me the shame.

Pero bumalik siya and a few moments later, naramdaman kong pinupunasan niya ‘yung mukha ko with a damp towel. “Sa susunod nga, ‘wag mong sobrahan ang pag-inom lalo na kung alam mong di mo kakayanin. Di ka na nahiya kila Janine. Sana hindi ka nalang din nagpahatid dito at nakitulog ka na lang sa kanila.”

“I can’t…part of the rules…” I groan with eyes still closed. Somehow, the expulsion of the alcohol in my system cleared my mind. But it did not help relieve some fucked up sensations of my body. Parang may vertigo lang ako whenever I open my eyes.

You know the feeling when you’re still aware of everything, but your body is not cooperating? That’s what I’m going through right now. Very timely, right?

The damp towel leaves my face. “Rules? Anong klaseng rules ba ‘yan? Kasama ba dun ang pag-inom hanggang sa di mo na kayang maglakad nang tuwid?” I hear her mutter from behind me as the water from the faucet gushes. I’m guessing, she’s cleaning the mess I made.

Good job, Cyann. You deserve a fuckin’ trophy for this.

“Sorry,” I murmur loud enough for her to hear, and in the sincerest tone that I can manage.

She lets out a sigh and I know she’s moving around, rearranging stuff around my pad. She’s obsessive-compulsive like that. Which makes her likeable. “’Wag kang mag-alala, magkakaayos naman siguro kayo ni Sharelle—“

I want to butt in and tell her that Sha doesn’t have anything to do with this, but I was only able to croak loudly in protest.

 “Tss. Ano? Kaya mo na bang tumayo para dun ka na sa kwarto mo? Sasakit ang katawan mo kung dito ka.”

She’s right. Curling up on a chair is hella uncomfortable. Still feeling light-headed, I sit up straight and then take a deep breath as I stand up. But even my feet are numb now and I feel like I’m going to fall. Pero sinalo ako ni Clementine on my side. “T-thanks.”

Inalalayan niya akong maglakad nang dahan-dahan papunta sa room ko where she helps me sit and I automatically kick off my shoes. Hihiga na sana ako pero pinigilan niya ako. “Teka, tanggalin mo muna ‘yung polo mo.”

My eyes fly open at her words. She seriously wants me to take off my shirt?! What’s the meaning of this? She wants me the way I want her? But I’m planning to slow down things with her or else parang wala lang siyang pinagkaiba sa mga girls na nakasama ko. I watch a blurry and wavy image of her rummaging inside my cabinet. “H-hold on, we can slow down a bit here, honey. Di ako nagmamadali,” I mumble although another part of me is defying my rational thinking because I can feel it down on my pants. Unfortunately, parang ungol lang lahat ng nasabi ko.