SaiLem Three {DANGER: I'm Falling For You}

43. A Piece of Advice

Cyann

By the time that I got home after I ran myself to numbness… she was already gone.  And the urge to punch myself almost overtook the exhaustion.

I never thought she’d take that seriously. After that short outburst at the elevator, I was actually expecting her to stay, wait for me and tell me that last night was a mistake. That in reality…without that stupid childish game…she’d pick me right off the bat.

My instincts tell me na ako talaga dapat ‘yun. By the way she received the kiss and her reaction after that, I have no doubts whatsoever…that she likes me too. Probably not the way that I do, but hell… pwede na ‘yun. We can work around that.

Maybe my pride just got the best of me kaya ganun ‘yung reaction ko. Pero the fuck lang talaga. It was like she rejected me in front of everyone else. I couldn’t help but feel offended. I mean, after all that I did for her? Not that I’m counting all the favors… but… All she had to do was say my name and we get a happy ending. But nooo… that fucker Signo just happens to be at the right place at the right time! He practically reaped what I sowed!

Well anyways, I called Pinky to ask if Clementine decided to stay at their boarding house, glossing over the fact that I unintentionally kicked her out of the unit. Guilt and worry went into overdrive when she said Lem hasn’t reached out to her yet.

Then I remembered Alice. Malaki ang chance na pupunta si Lem sa pinsan niya. And just so I can evade a possible interrogation from the cousin, I chose to contact V instead. And his reply proved that my hunches are right.

From: Vincent

Lem just called Alice. She’ll be here in a few.

His message was a relief of sorts. And the fact that he’s not asking for deets is another.  Frankly speaking, I don’t want anyone in on this aside from Clementine and I until everything’s been ironed out.

Looking back at our last encounter, gusto ko ulit sapakin ang sarili ko. I mean, of all the hypothetical scenarios that I could have thought of, why did I have to place myself and that SOB on equal footing? And why with the death sentence too?

Why on earth did I not ask about what she really feels for me? That could’ve homed in on the truth. Then maybe, we aren’t avoiding each other like what we’re doing for almost a week now. It’s freakin’ annoying.

Yes. Hindi pa rin kami nag-uusap. More like, hindi ko siya pinapansin even though every time our gazes lock and I can see how badly she wants us to talk. I figured that after I have laid out my last card and was just a wee-bit short of begging for her to choose me but still failed, ayokong ako pa rin ang lalapit sa kanya to clarify things.

This might be pride talking, but this time around, I want her to say sorry, it was a just a front and that it is I that she wants afterall. Gusto kong mag-exert naman siya ng effort. That way, I’d know how strongly she feels for me.

But perhaps I’m only imagining the mutual understanding. Because she’s freakin’ avoiding me like I have a communicable disease. I mean, sino ba ang nagkamali in the first place? Is she expecting me to beg some more? Coz hell no, I’m not doing that anymore. My ego already took a beating during that bonfire. I’ll be reduced to a sap if I do that. Tama naman ako, diba? She made a mistake, therefore, she should apologize.