SaiLem Three {DANGER: I'm Falling For You}

23. In-Denial Stage

Cyann

Feeling like Clementine was threatened by my attempt to show my affection towards her, I decide to lay low and pull away for a bit. Hindi ko muna siya napigilang pumasok sa office. Iniwasan ko rin munang dalawin siya at CMAN. I just asked Alice for Vincent’s number so he could look after Lem for me for a couple of days which he thankfully agreed to do. Hinayaan ko munang bumalik kami ni Lem sa bantering stage since it appears like she’s more comfortable that way.

Sa school na lang ako nakakabawi. She can’t do anything if we’re classmates in all our subjects anyway.

And it appears like the girls finally acknowledged why Clementine and I are always together. As expected, what I told our group mates about us being childhood friends eventually got around.

“Ang swerte mo naman, ka-close mo na siya simula bata kayo—“

“Ahh, actually hindi. Tatay ko ang malapit sa family niya,” she would always stress.

Ewan ko kung bakit she really doesn’t like being associated with me. Ano ba’ng mali sa’kin? A lot of girls would want to be personally close to me, pero siya, ayaw talaga. Apart from her, females and males alike would think it’s a privilege to be a close friend of mine. Si Clementine, housemate na nga at lahat, wala pa rin. Paano pa kaya if I tell everyone that I’m pining for her? Tss.

“Pero sabi nila, nililigawan ka raw niya?” I would overhear one of the girls ask when they think I’m not listening ‘coz I’m busy chatting with our guy classmates.

And Clementine would click her tongue in annoyance. “Hindi nga. Tss. Magkaibigan lang talaga kami. Tsaka hindi ako type nun. Baka mas type ka pa nun kesa sa’kin.”

Whatever Clementine. You don't know what you're saying. 

“Pero totoo bang tinutulungan mo lang siyang siguraduhing pasado lahat ng grades niya kaya lagi kayong magkasama?”

“Oo nga. Kung ayaw niyong maniwala, tanungin niyo nalang si Cyann para manggaling mismo sa kanya,” masungit na sagot naman niya and the girls will then turn to me and ask the same questions.

Thinking about it all, I let out a sigh of exasperation and frustration. If I were my normal self prior to meeting her, hindi ko talaga siya mapapansin. Hell, she’s everything that I’m not used to—and I’m not just talking about the physical aspect. Pati background, the way she thinks, acts, speaks.

Of course napapalingon pa rin ako sa iba lalo na kapag ‘di ko siya kasama. But when we’re together, she’s all that I can see, hear, smell… yeah… talk about all my five senses coming to life. She has this… uhm… something… that her presence alone can command my attention.

Tulad ngayon, I’m staring at her while she listens to our group leader whining about not being able to get enough participants for our thesis implementation.

Sometimes, I doubt it if she’s truly dense or just playing dense. I mean, my advances are already too obvious to ignore anyone couldn’t miss the glaring truth that I like her. Feeling ko, she’s just studiously ignoring my actions or ME entirely.

“Ano na’ng gagawin natin? Hindi representative ng population ‘yung twenty participants!” Our groupmates already look worried on the third day of implementation dahil konti pa lang ang participants and the results are not enough to derive a conclusion from. “Anong gagawin natin? Kulang na kulang pa ‘yung mga data eh,” the leader tells us anxiously.