infatuation // m.h

9

I closed my eyes. A wave of relief washed over me when I heard his voice.

"Nikki. Where were you?" Matty asked. I could tell he'd been worrying about me.
"I met this lady, she lives on the top floor. We started talking. I was at her apartment." I said.
"Until one in the morning?" Matty asked.
"Yes, Matty. You had your time. I left you alone. I left you to have your time with your boys. So excuse me if I wanted to have some time for myself." I said, feeling the anger inside me flare up again.
"I texted you, called you. I was worried, Nik." Matty said, grabbing my hands. I stepped away from him and ignored the hurt look in his eyes. His face went stony and cold, and he turned on his heel. "I'm having a shower." He said. I knew he just needed to cool off. I didn't want to fight anymore, I was tired.
"I just had to be away from you for a bit, Matty." I said quietly as he walked away. I pulled a cigarette out from my purse and lit it. I needed to relax. I sat on the couch and sat back, letting my hazy head rest, staring up at the ceiling. I listened to the distant sound of the shower. I inhaled the smoke, and blew out thin wisps up into the air. The room I was in was dark, the only light coming from the bathroom door cracked open, a sliver of yellow light piercing through the shadowy half-light of the apartment. I felt alone.
I heard the shower go off, and he apartment was plunged into silence. The only sound I could hear was my breathing. Soon after, Matty came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water still glistened on his shoulders.  The golden light of the bathroom made his silhouette prominent, casting shadows on my face. And I thought, in that moment, he looked a little bit like an angel. I smiled weakly at him.
I really was in love with him. Sometimes I forgot.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. He walked towards me slowly and quietly. 
I said nothing, just stood up. I turned around to grab another cigarette. While I had my back turned, he wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind. He rested his face in the crook of my neck, his wet hair tickling my jaw. Drops of water fell onto my shoulders. Matty kissed my neck lightly. I could smell him, soap and cigarettes and faintly, whiskey.
"I know." I said, looking down at my fidgeting hands. Matty slid his hands to intertwine with mine.
"Do you forgive me?" He mumbled against my skin.
"Yeah." I whispered, nodding.
"I love you." He said, and even though he was drunk I knew he was being sincere.
I turned around to face him. "I love you." I said, biting my lip. Matty stared at my lips for a second before grabbing my hips and pushing me up against the wall, pinning me against him. I tried to conceal my smile.
"I missed you." He whispered against my neck with the ghost of a smile on his face, laying gentle kisses over my bruised skin.
"I don't want to fight anymore. Can we go to bed?" I said quietly, looking up at him.
Matty nodded, grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. I slipped my jeans off, then my shirt.
I crawled into the sheets after him, settling in. Matty wrapped his arms around me, all of our limbs tangling together. I wanted to be close to him, closer than this. But there was no possible way we could be closer, other than sex. But it was nice, sometimes, to just hug him. Have him hold me.
"I love you so much." He whispered before he drifted off.