infatuation // m.h

17

I got back up to Jo's apartment to find Matty standing at the door.
He must've taken the stairs.
"Matty, just leave me alone!" I yelled. Jo unlocked the door and ushered me inside, ignoring Matty completely. She shut the door in his face.
"Nikki, open the door." Matty begged from the other side of the door. I could hear the desperation in his voice.
I shook my head at Jo.
"You go unpack in the spare bedroom. I'll talk to him." Jo said quietly to me.
"No! Don't talk to him!" I whisper-shouted.
"You go unpack. It's gonna be fine." Jo reassured me.
I walked to the bedroom and pretended to unpack. I strained to hear anything.

I heard the sound of the door clicking open and Matty exhaling.
"Let me see her." Matty pleaded.
"No. You need to leave." Jo said.
"Please, Jo." He begged.
"No." She said firmly.
"I need to explain." He attempted.
"No you don't." Jo shot back.
"I'm sorry." He apologised.
"I know." She said.
"Tell her I love her." Matty said.
"I will. But you have to go." Jo said finally.
I heard footsteps walking away and the door clicking shut.

I broke down again, sobbing on the bed.
"He's gone." Jo said quietly, sitting beside me.
"Thank you for letting me stay here." I whispered.
"It's fine. You know what you need to do right now?" Jo asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Paint." She replied.

So we stood in the studio, painting all day. Jo plugged in the stereo and turned the music up loud. I knew she was doing this for me more so than her.
I wanted to forget everything.
I painted for hours, losing myself in the process.
"I need a smoke." I muttered, lighting one after the other. One hand held my cigarette and the other held a paintbrush.
Jo watched me paint quietly, admiring all the emotion I put into my work that day.

After I finished, I plonked down on the couch next to Jo.
"Wow, Nikki." Jo sighed.
"What?" I asked.
"Your paintings. They're great. Really, really, really good." Jo smiled. I could tell she was proud.
"Thanks, Jo." I smiled, hugging her.
"I've got an auction next week. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to sell it for you." Jo said.
"Really? Is it good enough for that?" I asked.
"This painting is amazing. It's going to do well, I already know." Jo reassured me.
"Well, sure." I said with a laugh.

Weeks passed. I stopped counting after four.
I didn't talk to Matty. I ignored the texts and calls and voicemails. The flowers left at the door. I ignore it all.
I painted for hours every day, hardly leaving Jo's studio. I smoked and drank and painted. I desperately tried to keep my mind off Matty.
Jo sold my paintings to rich arty people, and gave me the money. I was starting to make proper money now, this job was well worth it.

"Hey, I had an idea." Jo said one afternoon.
"Yeah?"
"Let's have a girls' night. With Gaia and Maggie. You could invite Holly and Danni." Jo said.
"That actually sounds pretty fun." I admitted with a small smile.

So we invited all of the girls around. We sat on the lounge room floor on Jo's giant cushions.
It was like in the movies - ice cream, rom coms and face masks. It was almost hilarious.
We smoked and made cocktails together, chatting and laughing. It was nice. Sometimes, when I was with Matty, I forgot that I had a life outside of him. I forgot that I had friends and people that loved me, other than him.
"So, how are you doing?" Danni asked me cautiously.
"Shitty. But I don't care." I said, trying to act tough.
"He misses you like crazy, you know." Danni said.
"Really? Why, what's he said?" I asked nervously.
"More like what he hasn't said. We haven't seem him. I think he's been in the studio all day and night." Holly interjected.
"It's kind of scary." Danni agreed.
"So you haven't seen him? He's locked himself away?" I asked, a small piece of me felt worried about him.
"Nope. He's MIA." Danni filled me in.
We finished our night with all of the girls cramming onto Jo's giant couch. We watched movies until two in the morning, laughing together.

I was pretty distracted from Matty over the next few weeks. I forgot he lived in this apartment block, for a little bit.
I missed him like hell.
But I couldn't run straight back to him.
Not this time.

10:07pm - Matty: Nikki. Please answer me. I miss you. I need to see you xx

10:19pm - Me: What do you want Matty?

10:20pm - Matty: What do I have to do to convince you to come back? x

I didn't reply.

I started to doubt us ever getting back together.