infatuation // m.h

29

(A/N: Okay I'm gonna sound whiny but idc. Please comment! Comments let me know if people are actually enjoying the story. Comments are encouraging! Comments, even if it's just a little 'Hey, I liked this chapter' make writers feels so good about themselves and their stories! Without comments it feels like no one cares, and then we start asking 'What's the point in writing anyway?'. Ik some of you will be thinking 'But you should be writing the story for you!!!1!!!11!' And I am. But it's nice to have that encouragement and support of people commenting. So please do. It's only human to seek validation from others. I'm not trying to sound whiny or bitchy, just letting you guys know that comments are what keep me writing & motivated! Hopefully you guys get what I mean. Okay. Sorry for the rant, back to the story x)

I watched Matty disappear into the tunnel, my eyes blurring with tears.
I finally let myself sob, not caring if I looked like a mess. I ignored the pitiful looks on faces I passed. I didn't care anymore, I let myself sob and cry. I ran to my car, and sat with my forehead resting on the steering wheel.
"Fuck," I mumbled quietly, watching my tears slip from my cheeks to the steering wheel.

I inhaled deeply, wiping my eyes. I had to stop crying. I was being a child, ridiculous and overemotional and dramatic. I decided I needed to clear my head.
I spent two hours driving around aimlessly, trying not to overthink.
It didn't work.
I got lost in my own thoughts, I hadn't noticed that I'd pulled over at the beach. My beach, the beach that I always ended up at. When I needed to think.
I smiled to myself. I thought more about everything - Matty, myself, our relationship, how it's going to ruin me and how I didn't care.
Why did this feel like a break up? He wasn't breaking up with me. He was doing what he loved.

I decided that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something productive. I drove home and took the elevator up to Jo's apartment. It occurred to me that I hadn't spoken to her in weeks. She was supposed to have met her son! I didn't ask her how it went. I bit my lip. I was being a bad friend. Hopefully she'd understand, I was with Matty because of his brother. She'd understand.
I knocked on her door three times. She opened it with a grin and hugged me.
"Hi!" She said, beaming at me.
"Hey. Sorry I haven't called you in a while." I said, my voice muffled in her shoulder.
"It's fine! How are things?" Jo asked, ushering me into her apartment. Jo made cups of tea and we sat on her couch and caught up.
I could hear the rain battering outside, and raindrops clung to the floor-to-ceiling windows in her apartment.
"A lot has gone on the past week. Matty's brother died, so we went I his funeral a few days ago. And today Matty left for America." I said.
Jo's jaw dropped. "Holy shit. What happened? I'm sorry about his brother. Poor Matty. Wow, I really hope he's okay. So why is he going to America?" Jo babbled.
"He's," I wiped my eyes and sniffled. "Going on tour." I finished.
"That's great! For how long?" Jo asked, smiling.
"Two months." I said quietly, staring down at my knees.
Jo sighed and wrapped her arms around me. "Honey." She said comfortingly.
"I don't want to hold him back and he's doing what he loves but I'm going to miss him like hell." I laughed, my cheeks wet with tears.
"I know. I completely understand. Do you want to paint?" She asked.
I nodded.

Jo put on some music, turned it up, and we painted for a good three hours. I cranked out piece after piece, completely oblivious to the world around around me. I focused on my painting and only my painting.
When I paint, I don't do it for the money. I paint what I like, I paint what feels right in that situation. I don't think about what critics will think or if they'll want to buy them or not.
And people seemed to like it.

When it started getting dark, Jo and I sat down to chat properly.
"I'm sorry I didn't call. I've been a crappy friend." I said, sipping my glass of wine.
"You're not a crappy friend. You've had a lot going on, I get it." Jo reassured me.
"How did meeting Jake go?" I asked.
Jo grinned. "He's brilliant! We talked for ages. He's studying Law at uni. He's such a character, Nikki. Handsome and kind and he's got a heart of gold. He was so lovely towards me. I was thinking that he'd be really guarded and scared and wouldn't want to meet me, but he was excited. He completely understood. I'm so proud of him." Jo said, tears in her eyes.
"I'm so happy for you! I want to meet him." I smiled.
"Well, he's actually coming over for dinner tomorrow night. You want to come and say hi?"
"Of course! So how old is he?" I asked.
"He's 21. He's going to be a lawyer! A lawyer, Nikki! That takes brains. I'm so proud." She gushed.
I could help but grin at her - she was so happy.

My phone lit up with Matty's name. I looked at Jo with an apologetic smile. She nodded and smiled, waving me off. I ran into the spare bedroom and pressed answer.
"Hey!" I said excitedly.
"Hi. I hate flying." Matty said. He sounded tired but happy.
I laughed. "So you've landed?"
"Yeah. I miss you." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too. So what are you doing right now?" He asked. I could hear the sound of suitcases being packed away.
"I'm at Jo's. She met her son! He's 21 and he's a lawyer apparently. We're all having dinner tomorrow night. I think he'll be cool." I said.
"That sounds cool." He said
"What about you, what are you doing?" I asked.
"Tour bus and hotel life for the next two months." He sighed. I knew he was excited, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.
"How's George?" I laughed, remembering he hated the tour bus because of his height. He was basically a giant.
"Asleep, at the moment. Hann and Ross are playing cards or something boring like that." Matty laughed.
"God, I'm going to miss you." I sighed.
"I miss you too. I love you." He said quietly. I could hear Ross and Adam laughing in the background of the phone call at Matty.
"Shut up or I swear to God -" Matty said to them. I could hear them laugh again.
"Hey, babe, I'm sorry. But I have to go. I'll call you soon." Matty said quickly.
"Okay. I love you." I mumbled, feeling a small burst of disappointment in my stomach. I didn't want to stop talking to him.
"Love you too. Bye." He said quickly.
The phone call ended with three beeps and my smile faded.