infatuation // m.h

35

(A/N: YOUR COMMENTS ARE MAKING MY HEART HURT ILY)  

Fans had taken pictures of Matty and Gemma getting lunch together, staring at each other with grins on their faces. It made me sick to my stomach to see him look at another girl like that. Photos of them at cafes, holding hands walking down the street, Matty's arm around her. I didn't want to see them, but at the same time I kept scrolling and staring at every picture.

I felt this horrible feeling flare up inside me. Anger and jealousy and loneliness all at once. I wanted to call Matty and confront him but at the same time I wanted nothing to do with him. 
"You okay?" Holly asked from bedside me.
"N - yeah." I said quickly.
"No you're not. What happened?" She asked.
I handed her my phone wordlessly and watched as she scrolled through the endless photos of Matty and Gemma and the fans' tweets:

Are they back together??

I loved Nikki though!

That bitch deserved Matty cheating on her.

"Holy shit." Holly whispered.
"Yeah." I replied.
"You okay?" She asked.
"Not particularly." I said, staring and picking at the loose thread in my jeans.
"You still want to go out?" Holly asked.
"Yeah." I said quickly.

Holly seemed surprised.
But I wanted to go out and get drunk and high and forget about Matty completely.

We started getting ready at eight.
We blasted music - we'd made a playlist years ago and officially name it our 'getting ready to go and get drunk' playlist - as we did our hair and make up, our nails, and got changed. I slipped into the new black dress I'd bought and tried not to think about how much it reminded me of going out with Matty. It he were here, he would have begged me not to go out in it because he knew guys would stare.
And tonight that was exactly what I wanted. 

Holly and I took two shots of vodka before walking hand in hand out of the apartment.

We arrived at the club as everyone was pouring in through the doors. We walked to the bar and sat down at two empty stools.
"You alright?" Holly shouted over the music.
I nodded and gave her a thumbs up, despite feeling like I could've broken down and cried.
"Hey - that guy's been staring at you for the last ten minutes." Holly said, pointing discreetly to a guy standing in a corner with his mates.
"Nah, he's probably staring at y-" I stopped speaking when I turned around to see that he was staring right at me, not breaking eye contact.
He was tall, with dark brown hair and a bit of stubble. He was in dark jeans, a navy button up shirt and a leather jacket. His friends were staring at Holly and I with grins plastered over their faces.

Holly and I turned away with small smiles on our faces and waited for them to come to us. 
The one in the leather jacket strode over to me and leaned with one hand on the bar and the other on the back of my chair. I could see Holly was already dancing with another guy.
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked, grinning at me.
I smiled at him, looking up to meet his dark eyes. "Sure, why not?"
He ordered our drinks as I finished my first one. 
"I'm Noah." He introduced himself, sitting down in Holly's now empty seat.
"Nikki," I said, shaking his outstretched hand. I sipped the drink Noah bought me  and smiled at him. I could feel the alcohol entering my bloodstream and making everything blur together in a lovely swirling kaleidoscope of colours and faces.
"So, Nikki, do you want to go and dance?" Noah asked, flashing me a white grin.
"Sure." I said, flicking my hair away from my face. 

I followed him hand in hand to the dance floor. We started dancing, laughing. His hands rested on my hips and I grinded on him, feeling his smile against my neck. The lights of the nightclub flashed and reflected in his eyes, our foreheads resting together as we danced. 
"You want to get out of here?" Noah yelled over the music.
I bit my lip. 

I knew this was wrong, but Matty had done the exact same thing to me. He'd gone off with another girl. 

"Yeah." I nodded.

I followed Noah out of the club, laughing drunkly. We walked hand in hand down the dark streets of London.
"You're so fucking hot, you know that?" He growled in my ear, pinning me against the brick wall in an alley.
I instantly thought of Matty. My eyes opened just as Noah was about to kiss me. I jolted to my senses and grabbed his shoulders, stopping him. Noah frowned at me and opened his eyes.
"I - I'm sorry. I can't do this." I said, pushing myself out of his grasp and walking away. 
"This is because of your boyfriend, isn't it?" Noah called from behind me. I heard his footsteps running to catch up with me.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, staring at the pavement.
"He doesn't deserve you, you know." Noah said, tipping my chin up. He saw my tears and frowned, wiping them away silently.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you in this position. You're a lovely guy, Noah, really. You'll make another girl really happy one day." I said sadly, walking to the taxi rank. 
I heard Noah sigh. "At least let me drive you home. I don't like the idea of a pretty girl like you walking home alone." He said.
I shook my head. "I can't." I wiped my eyes and started dialling for a taxi - 
"Yes, you can. Here." Noah said, walking me to his car. He opened the door for me and I got in reluctantly.
"Thank you, Noah." I whispered quietly once we were driving and things had gone silent. I watched the yellow street lights buzz past the window, feeling guilty and stupid and lonely.
"You're welcome." He said, smiling but keeping his eyes on the road.
"I'm sorry." I apologised again.
"Don't be sorry. You have a boyfriend, I should have respected that." He said.
"How did you know I had a boyfriend?" I asked.
"All pretty girls do" He replied.