infatuation // m.h

23

The next day I woke to find that Matty had cleaned up the bathroom. I saw him standing in the bathroom, arms braced against the sink and staring at himself in the mirror. He looked like he'd totally zoned out. I came to stand behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him. He jolted in shock for a second, but relaxed at my touch.
"How are you doing?" I asked him quietly, rubbing my eyes.
"I'm okay." He whispered.
"What time do we have to leave?" I asked.
"The funeral's at eleven. We'll have to leave at ten." Matty said. I could see he was barely keeping it together. 

Matty got dressed silently.
I watched him for a second - he looked like a mess. He was thin, pale and hadn't shaved.
His eyes were rimmed with dark circles and his hands shook.  

He reminded me of broken glass, jagged  and cold and sharp and shattered.

I got dressed in the bedroom while he shaved in the bathroom. My dress was black and came to my knees, with a high neckline. Matty wore black jeans and a black button up shirt.

"Hey," I said, grabbing his arm before he could go downstairs. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"No. I'm going to my brother's funeral and I don't know how to deal with this without doing something horrible." Matty blurted.
"I'm sorry. I know all I do is say sorry but I don;t know what to say. I know there's not much I can say to make it better. But I'm going to be here for you, if that's any consolation." I said weakly.
"I'm so lucky to have you." Matty said, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up so my toes just brushed the ground. His lips brushed over mine lightly, just enough to give me butterflies.

On the way to the funeral, Matty drove. Denise wanted to get a cab, but Matty argued that he wanted to drive to clear his head some more. I sat in the back seat and Denise sat in the front with Matty. I felt a little bit out of place. I'd spent a bit of time with Louis, obviously. We got on well, playing board games and ganging up on Matty together. He was a good kid. And it broke my heart to hear that he'd died. But I couldn't even begin to imagine what Matty and Denise were going through. Their brother, their son. All I could do was try to be as supportive as I could.
"How are you going to go with seeing Dad?" Matty asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm be fine. We're fine with each other, Matty, you know that." Denise said quietly, fixing her makeup in the flip-down mirror on the passenger side.

We arrived at the church and I walked hand in hand with Matty.
"Hi, Dad." Matty said quietly, tapping his father on the shoulder.
Tim whipped around and smiled at his son warmly. "Hi, son. How are you?" Tim asked.
"I'm alright. You?" Matty said quietly.
"Alright. How are you, Nikki?" Tim said, giving me a quick hug. 
"I'm okay. I'm so sorry for your loss." I said, feeling slightly awkward. I never know what to say.

George, Adam and Ross had all flown over as well. We greeted them with hugs and there were lots of exchanges of 'I'm sorry for your loss'. Matty loved his mates, they meant so much to him. I could see how much it meant to him that they were here with him.

Matty and I sat with Denise and Tim in the front row of the church. In front of us was a shiny black coffin on a small platform. There was a lectern to the right of the coffin, where a bald black-suited man stood quietly. 
Denise's hand held Matty's and Matty's other hand rested on my leg. Tim sat next to Denise. I saw him squeeze her hand when the sermon began to speak. It was really sinking in that Louis had died. 
"We are here today to mourn the death of Louis Healy, a bright and talented young boy that was taken tragically too soon." The sermon spoke.

The service was filled with stories of Louis and what a good kid he was. Relatives and friends spoke about him with light and tears in their eyes. There were distant cousins and Louis' best mates that spoke. There were some really sad speeches and there was a lot of crying and passing of tissues.

Then it was Matty's turn to speak. 
"And now, we have Louis' older brother Matt to share a few words." The sermon said.
"It's Matty." Matty mumbled as he stood up. I hid a tiny smile. He walked to the lectern, exchanged a small nod with the sermon, the started to speak.

"This isn't going to be a depressing speech. I know Louis hated weddings and funerals, he always said they were boring." Matty began. Every single eye in the church was on him, and he hid how much his hands shook well. "Louis was a good kid. He loved his mates, and he loved playing footy whenever everyone was over at Christmas. He was a cheeky bugger, Mum knows that," Matty said, winking at his mother, She laughed as she cried and wiped her eyes. Matty's father wrapped his arm around Denise. "And I remember him and Nikki used to always gang up on me whenever we played Monopoly, and they'd cheat whenever I got up to go to the toilet." Matty recounted. The whole church laughed, it was the first time I saw smiles all around the room. "He used to always say, When I die, I want you to make it a massive party. I want you and the boys to sing and dance and play pop songs." Matty laughed. Everyone in the church seemed somewhat happy, for the forst time today. "So, to make this something that Louis would actually enjoy," Matty said, glancing at the coffin with a soft  smile. "I want us all to sing a song. Louis' favourite song. You all know what it is." Matty smiled. Music started to play and smiles slowly spread through the faces in the room. 
Then Matty started to sing. 

 It was 1989, my thoughts were short my hair was long
Caught somewhere between a boy and man
She was seventeen and she was far from in-between
It was summertime in Northern Michigan

The entire church sang along.Tears were wiped away and arms were thrown around shoulders. People seemed happy, it was like everyone was one big family. It was a funeral that Louis would have wanted, something with light and fun and light-heartedness. Where everyone came together.

After the song had finished, people were laughing and smiling and remember the good things in Louis' life. 
It was still a sad day, and we mourned, but Louis would have loved that we all sang and talked and laughed together.

Funerals didn't always have to be sad all the time.

(A/N: Okay so this didn't end up being too sad. Kind of a rushed & shitty ending but I can't do better...I'm sorry. I'm so into this story I felt lost, I feel like someone's actually died omg)