infatuation // m.h

34

(A/N: Dedicated to @newyorkings for your lovely comments, ily x)

3:51am - Matty: Five weeks to go babe x

Five weeks.

The next two weeks were the hardest - he was so far away. In the beginning it was alright, because he had only just left. He still lingered around the apartment - his pillow still smelled like him. Now he'd been gone for a while, it was killing me. I missed him so much. I imagined countless scenarios, picturing him coming home. Picturing him walking through the tunnel at his gate and me running to him. I wanted nothing more than for him to come home now, but I knew he was happy. I didn't complain on the phone any more, only said I missed him with a smile. I didn't want to make him feel guilty.

Five weeks to go.

The days blurred together in one long, drawling, boring nightmare. He was my entire world.
I painted, it kept me sane. Other than painting, I didn't do much.
Stayed in a lot. Cried a lot. Smoked a lot. Drank a lot.

After a week of doing nothing but mope around and paint, I decided I needed to do something for myself. Yeah, I missed him like hell. But I couldn't forget about myself because he was gone. I had to have my own life.

"Hey, are you still alive?" Holly's voice rang through the phone with a chuckle.
I laughed. "Yeah. You want to do something today?" I asked.
"Of course." She grinned.

Holly and I decided we'd go out for lunch, go shopping, then go out tonight.
"Hey!" She said, practically knocking down my apartment door as she arrived.
"Hey, Hol." I greeted her.
"Okay, first, you need to shower. You look like a mess." She said, smiling.
I nodded. "I love your honesty." I laughed, walking to the bathroom.

Holly followed me. She stood at the door while I undressed and got into the shower, talking to me from behind the closed door. Once I was in the shower and the shower curtain was shut, she came in and sat on the toilet seat and we chatted. I forgot how close Holly and I were.

After I showered and got ready, Holly and I took the elevator down to the car park. We took Holly's car and blasted the radio - belting out the songs at the top of our lungs. It felt awesome to just be myself, not be so sad and tired all the time.

We got lunch, chatted about everything over our meal.
"You still have a thing for George?" I asked.
"He's hot. But I think he's a bit of a player." Holly said, playing with her food.
"But you love players." I smirked.
She grinned "I know."
"You missing Matty?" Holly asked.
"Yeah." I sighed.
"How long?"
"Five weeks to go. It seems like ages." I mumbled.
"I know, honey. But sometimes -" She trailed off.
"Sometimes what?" I asked, setting down my glass.
"Sometimes he takes over your life. The relationship takes over your entire identity. It's always Matty and Nikki, never just Nikki." Holly said cautiously.
"I know," I sighed. "You're right."
My phone screen lit up, vibrating on the table.
"Speak of the devil." Holly said, pointing to Matty's face that popped up on my screen.
"You don't mind if I take this, do you?" I asked with an apologetic smile.
Holly grinned. "By all means."

"Hey, babe." I greeted Matty.
"How are you?" He asked.
"I'm good. Normal. How was the show last night?" I asked with a grin. I saw Holly make kissing faces out of the corner of my eyes and tried not to laugh.
"Bonkers. They're crazy here, Nik." He laughed.
"That's so great, though. I'm so glad." I smiled.
"I miss you like crazy." He said. I could hear him smiling.
"I miss you too." I mumbled.

I didn't want to say I missed him any more, even though I did. I'm only making feel guilty. It makes it harder on everyone. He was going to be away from another five weeks. I couldn't put all this guilt on him for all that time. I was being a bad girlfriend.

"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing. Just tired." I lied.
"Nikki, what's the matter?" Matty asked, his voice raising.
"Nothing." I said, holding my ground. Holly grimaced at me, hearing that tensions were rising between Matty and I.
"Nikki, I hate being like this. You know I miss you. Why are you angry?" He asked me defensively.
"I'm not angry!" I exclaimed.
"Yes you are. Something's up." He stated.
"Matty, I'm fine, I told you." I grumbled.
"Nikki, I'm not fighting with you. I'm on the other side of the world." He warned.
"I know that." I said stubbornly.
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He yelled.
"Nothing's wrong, Matty." I said through gritted teeth.
"Well, obviously there's something wrong because you're acting like a bitch." He said.
"I'm acting like a bitch, am I?" I asked. Holly's eyes widened from across the table. "Okay. Fine. I'm a bitch. Whatever." I said harshly.
"Fine," He sighed. "Be angry, be upset at me. I don't care. I'll call you in a few days." He said coldly, hanging up.
I put the phone back down on the table and sighed heavily.

"Shit. That sounded intense." Holly said.
I smiled weakly at her. "Yeah."
"You know what we need to do?" Holly said with a smirk.
"What?" I asked, passing a hand over my eyes.
"Shop."

So we did. We tried on countless dresses, shirts, shorts... It was nice to feel like myself again, to laugh. I laughed and had fun with Matty, but there were certain things that I could only do with my friends.

Matty. Just thinking his name made me miss him. I regretted what I'd said, but I didn't want to call him back. I needed some space.

I ended up buying a new black dress that looked really flattering on my body, hugging my hips.
"Are you going to wear that dress tonight?" Holly asked from the other side of the changing room curtain.
I nodded. "Yeah." I called. I opened the curtain and turned a full circle to show it off. Holly whistled with a wide smile.
"Guys will be all over you in that, you know." Holly warned, grinning.
I bit my lip. "Fine." Holly smiled at me devilishly.
I knew it was risky, but I wanted attention. Matty wasn't here and I was lonely and he was happy.

After picking out an outfit for Holly - a high waisted pair of black denim shorts and a black crop top - our shopping was done. We drove home, listening to the radio again and smiling. I tried my hardest to forget about Matty and focus on my own life, my own friends.

We sat together in my apartment, side by side, and watched a movie to pass the time. It was around three or four in the afternoon, so we still had hours before we even had to start to get ready.

While Holly watched the movie we'd put on - Mean Girls was always a favourite - I scrolled through my Twitter feed. It was dead, mostly. A few tweets from Matty's fans about how much 'last night's show blew their minds' and a few new followers, but not much.

Until I scrolled past photos of Matty with Gemma.