infatuation // m.h

18

I'd spent the last six weeks at Jo's house. She hadn't said a word, and I was grateful. I think she liked the company. We'd grown really close over this time.
We painted for hours every day, then we went out for coffee at tiny arty coffee shops. Jo sold my paintings at auctions. I kept painting. I'd found my place, I'd found what made me happy.

Matty texted me for days, saying he was sorry and that he wanted to see me. I missed him so much. I felt a little lost without him.

It was midnight when Matty called me. I answered, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
"Hey." I said quietly.
"Can you come over?" Matty asked straight away.
"Are you okay?" I asked, worried. Something in Matty's voice told me he wasn't. Something was wrong.
"No." Matty managed before he sobbed out loud.
"I'll be there in five minutes." I said quickly, ripping my covers off and running out of Jo's apartment.

I mashed the button of the elevator, mentally begging it to go faster. Something was really wrong with Matty.
I was scared. I opened the apartment door and walked in.

I saw Matty sitting with his chin resting on his knees, his eyes wide. There was an empty bottle of red laying on the floor. Cigarette butts littered the coffee table. The entire apartment was a mess.
"Matty," I whispered. His eyes were rimmed with black circles. He hadn't shaved. His hair was tangled and disheveled. He looked like a mess. "What's wrong? What's happened?" I asked, worried. I sat down next to him.
I felt a small wave of awkwardness between us, but ignored it and wrapped my arms around him. It felt nice to be next to him again.
"Nikki, he's gone." Matty mumbled with tears in his eyes.
"Who?" I asked.
"M-my brother." He whispered.

My jaw dropped. "Oh my god. What happened?" I asked.
"He was crossing the road and a car hit him and he died and I wasn't there watching him and it's my fault." Matty's words poured from him before tears replaced the words.
"Matty. Look at me," I grabbed his chin and made his eyes meet mine. "This is not your fault." I said.
Matty cried, and I held him. I wrapped my arms around him and he hugged me back. His face was in the crook of my neck.
"When did it happen?" I asked gently.
"He died a few hours ago. In hospital with Mum and Dad." Matty said.
"Do you know when the funeral is?" I asked.
"Some time next week I think." Matty said.
"I'm sorry, Matty. This is terrible." I said.
I'd met Matty's brother a few years ago, he was younger then. I could see that Matty was protective over Louis. And I could see Louis looked up to Matty.

"I'm sorry for kissing Gemma." Matty said quietly suddenly.
"I forgive you." I whispered.

"I miss you. Please come back. I need you." Matty begged.
I nodded. "I'll sleep here tonight." I agreed.
"Thank you." Matty mumbled against my skin.
Matty laid with his head in my lap. The apartment was dark and quiet. I listened to our breathing.
"He's gone. Gone. I'll never see my little brother again." Matty whispered through tears.
"I'm so sorry, Matty. I know you loved him." I said quietly.
"I was supposed to look after him. I was his older brother. I was supposed to protect him." Matty sobbed.
"You can't blame yourself for this. This isn't your fault." I said.
"Yes it is." Matty whispered, his voice cracking with tears.
"I've been lost without you." Matty admitted quietly, looking up at me with his head in my lap.
"Me too." I said.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. I was drunk and you had left and she was there. I hated myself for ages after. I missed you so much. I love you." Matty said.
"I love you too." I said quietly.
"Do you want to go to bed?" He asked quietly, his eyes meeting mine.
We walked together to the bedroom, and crawled into bed together. I wrapped my arms around Matty and tried to comfort him as best I could.
I could tell Matty was tired and hadn't slept in days. The entire apartment was disheveled and messy. He had been lost without me.
"It's going to be okay. I promise." I said quietly. I kissed his cheek gingerly. Matty's eyes opened slowly and he slowly turned around to face me. He kissed my lips and everything felt right again - everything felt simple like it used to. He held my hands in his and deepened the kiss.
"I love you." Matty said before we both fell asleep next to each other.

(A/N: Please tell me what you think of the story so far! x)