infatuation // m.h

19

The next day was strange.

I woke up, and everything felt blissfully normal and ordinary for a few minutes. I was wrapped in Matty's arms in our apartment in our bed under our blankets.

Then I remembered Matty and I were on a break.
Not quite together, not quite broken up.
I didn't know where to go from here. How do you come back from something like that? I didn't know what to do. I knew Matty needed me. I knew he needed me now more than ever.

Matty was already awake.
"Hey." He said quietly, staring at the ceiling.
"Hi." I replied.
"How'd you sleep?" Matty asked.
"Fine. You?" I asked quietly. I couldn't believe we were making small talk. I hated this. I wanted us back the way we were, when we could talk for hours and hours and never get bored.

It had been six weeks and I'd seen no one other than Jo and the girls. I'd missed him so much. Matty was such a massive part of my life, and sometimes it scared me how lost I felt without him.

"Can I be upfront with you about something?" I asked quickly.
"Yeah." Matty said.
"I missed you like crazy. And I know I said we were on a break. But I don't know what to do now. I know you said sorry. I'm over it now, all of it. I love you. I feel like this relationship is going to kill us. I don't really care. I know you need me but sometimes I don't know if you love me and I don't know what to d-" Matty cut me off by crashing his lips to mine. He rolled on top of me, pinning me down. His hands skimmed over my arms and my face and my thighs, like he'd really missed me.
"I love you. I'm obsessed with you. I need you. And I was totally lost without you. I'm sorry. Please don't leave again." Matty said quickly.
I smiled softly and nodded.
"Okay." I whispered.
"Will you be mine again?" Matty asked quietly.
I nodded, "Yeah." I grinned.
I wiggled out from underneath Matty and checked my phone.

Jo - Missed Call (12)

10:15am - Jo: Where are you?

10:22am - Jo: Are you with Matty?

10:30am - Jo: Nikki answer me I've called you like ten times where are you

I sighed. I knew she would've been worried.

10:34am - Me: Yeah, I'm with Matty. I'll be up to grab my stuff later. Thank you for looking out for me, Jo. I appreciate it xx

10:35am - Jo: Okay. You're welcome here any time, you know that x

"So...how are you doing?" I asked Matty cautiously.
He rubbed his eyes. "I'd forgotten, for a minute. And everything felt normal and perfect. Now I feel like I could cry and scream and die." Matty said all of this quickly, staring at a fold in the sheet. He was so upset about his brother, anyone could tell. It hurt me to see him hurt so badly.
"I'm so sorry Matty. I'm sorry I don't know how to make it better." I said quietly, holding his hand.
"I know. It's okay. I'm sorry I called you up last night in the middle of the night." Matty said.
"It's fine. I love you." I said, grabbing Matty's face in both of my hands and kissing him.

I took the elevator up to Jo's apartment and grabbed my bag, thanking Jo again for letting me stay. She'd been so lovely to me, looking out for me.
"Oh - and I have something to tell you," Jo said quickly.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Yeah. I - I found my son."