infatuation // m.h

30

I ended up crashing on Jo's couch.
I stayed for breakfast, we made French toast together, her humming softly next to me. We chatted a little bit about how excited Jo was about dinner tonight. I was too, to be honest. It'd be nice to spend time with another human being, other than Jo and Matty.
"Thanks for breakfast. I'll see you tonight." I said, kissing her cheek quickly.
"Hey. You going to be okay?" She asked, looking a little bit worried.
"Yeah. I'm okay. Just gotta get used to not having him around for a while." I said, staring at my hands.
"Okay. Go have a shower. You'll feel better." Jo said knowingly.
I nodded with a sad smile and left her place.

I took the elevator down to my apartment.
I didn't notice that I'd been holding my breath as I opened the apartment door.
I half expected Matty to be sitting on the couch, smoking and writing.
I sighed and ignore how much the apartment smelled like him.

I turned on the shower and scrubbed my skin. I washed my hair and my face. I tried to shed out of this feeling, this skin. I tried to escape this heaviness and anxiety that surrounded me.
I stayed in the shower for what felt like hours.
The steam fogged the mirrors and clung to my skin.
It was something like nine in the morning. I towelled myself off and let my hair air dry.
I sat in my towel for a little bit, because I didn't have to be anywhere. It was a nice feeling, not caring about rushing around to work. Being able to do what I wanted.

I logged onto Twitter and scrolled through my timeline.
A few tweets stood out.

I'm lined up already. The 1975 in a few hours.

I'm honestly in love with Matty Healy.

Matty is so fucking hot, honestly. I'd fuck him any day.

I was usually pretty good at ignoring the tweets and the attention he got from so many girls. I knew he loved me. But when he wasn't with me I felt like he stopped, sometimes. I felt like when he was away from me, he forgot about me. I knew it was ridiculous and just me being paranoid.
I checked the time.
My morning was his night, my sunrise was his sunset. It was strange. He was so far away. I suddenly felt so overwhelmingly homesick, even though I was in my own apartment. It struck me - Matty felt like home. I knew it sounded cliché but I felt homesick without him. It really hit me, in that moment, how much I loved him. And how attached I was. And how much time we spent together. And how lost I felt without him.

I spent the rest of my day practically pacing. I cleaned up the apartment from top to bottom, in a desperate attempt to distract myself.
I called up Gaia. It frustrated me sometimes, now much Matty consumed my life. I love him, I'm obsessed with him, and I want to spend all of my time with him, but I needed friends.
"Hey, Nikki! How are you?" She said warmly.
"I'm fine. How are you?" I asked.
"I'm great. But you don't sound so good. What's up?"
"Matty's in America." I said sadly.
"Whoa. Holy shit. What happened? Did you guys break up?" Gaia asked, sounding worried.
"He's on tour. I'm so happy for him but I mis him like crazy." I gushed.
"I can tell. You want me to come over or anything?" She offered.
I shook my head, knowing that she couldn't see me. "It's fine. I'm jut being moody, I'll get over it." I laughed.
"Okay. Stay positive, alright? Love you." Gaia said, a smile in her voice.
"Bye, Gaia. Thank you." I said, hanging up.

I spent the rest of the day going out of my mind in the apartment. I loved being alone sometimes, but this wasn't the best feeling. I felt lonely and hollow. I missed him so much already. 

When the clock finally rolled around to six o'clock I started getting ready. I took my time - showered, painted my nails, did my hair.
I decided on wearing a burgundy dress that 'd bought with Danni a while ago. It was nice to get myself all dressed up and feeling pretty, I loved the distraction. Just enough to keep my mind active, but not so muh to get me thinking too much. I knew Matty would be happy with his mates right now. They'd probably be drinking. I smiled at the thought.

7:48pm - Jo: You coming? x

7:49pm - Me: Yeah. I'll be up in a second x

(A/N: This is bit of a shitty filler chapter, oops. It'll get better next chapter, I promise! x)