infatuation // m.h

31

I knocked on Jo's door. It swung open to reveal her in a flowing blue dress, beaming at me.

"Hi! Nikki, this is Jake." Jo said, introducing me to her son.
Jake smiled at me. He was tall, at least four inches taller than me. He had blue eyes and brown hair that was a little bit curly, just like Jo's.
"Hi. So you're Nikki - she hasn't stopped talking about you!" Jake said, gesturing to Jo with a grin. Jo smiled at Jake and squeezed his hand lightly.
"I'll let you guys get acquainted, I need to serve up dinner." Jo said, bustling over to the kitchen happily.

"So you're studying law?" I asked politely.
"Yeah. You paint with Jo?" Jake asked.
"Yeah." I laughed, brushing my hair away from my face.
"Okay, I'm going to fire some questions at you," Jake grinned. "Favourite colour?"
"Blue." I answered quickly with a smile.
"Favourite food?"
"Hmm...pasta." I laughed.
"Favourite movie genre?"
"Horror." I smiled.
"Boyfriend?" Jake asked, biting his lip from the inside with a tiny smile. My eyes widened a little bit but I hid it swiftly.
"Yeah. He's away at the moment though." I said, looking down at my legs.
"Oh. Sorry. How long's he away for?" Jake asked.
"Two months." I replied.
"What does he do?" Jake pried.
"He's in a band. They're on tour."
"Would I have heard of them?"
"I don't know. The 1975 - ring any bells?" I laughed.
"Nah," He smiled. "I pretty much live under a rock."

"So," Jo said, setting down the tray of lasagne on the table. "How's things?" She asked.
"Good." Jake and I said at the same time.
We served ourselves and complimented the food as we chatted.

We talked for what felt like ages. I got a really good vibe from Jake - he was polite, handsome, an he was so excited about life and his degree. It was cute. I caught him staring at me a few times over dinner, I smiled and ignored it.

"Isn't he great?" Jo whispered loudly, pointing to Jake obviously. We'd all had a bit to drink.
"I'll admit, he's pretty great." I laughed, going along with our obvious whispering.
"Stop, I'm blushing." Jake laughed.

After plates were emptied and glasses were drained, my phone screen lit up with Matty's contact.
I bit my lip. I didn't want to be rude, and I was having fun. I decided I'd call him back later.
"Answer it, he's probably missing you." Jo said.
I shook my head. "I'll call him later."

10:08pm - Me: Hey babe, I'll call you back later. I'm still at Jo's x

10:09pm - Matty: Ok

I could tell just in the way he texted back that he was upset, but I didn't care. I knew he'd be angry. But I needed to have a life as well.

I stayed for Jo's famous cheesecake and we talked for at least another hour.
It had been a long night. I was tired.
"Thank you for having me, Jo. This has been lovely. But I'm gonna go." I said, hugging her.
"I'm gonna go as well. Night." Jake said, hugging his Mum.
"Goodnight you two. Drive safe, Jake." Jo said, shutting the door behind us.
"Can I walk you to your door?" Jake asked suddenly.
I brushed my hair away from my face. "Sure."
Jake grinned. He walked with me as the elevator doors opened and stood with me at my apartment door.
"I like you, Nikki. You've got stories to tell." Jake said out of the blue, staring at me.
"Do I?" I asked, smiling.
"Of course. And I intend to find out all of them." Jake said with a grin.
"And how do you intend to do this?" I asked with a tipsy smile.
"Give me your phone." Jake said with a charming smile.
"Why?"
"So I can give you my number." He grinned.
I handed over my phone with an eye roll, he entered in his number without the smile leaving his face.
"There you go. Now we're connected." He smiled, handing back my phone.
"You're an idiot." I laughed.
Jake laughed, then started to lean in. Time slowed down. My heart stopped for a second and I extended my hand out to meet his chest, pushing him away from me lightly.
"I - I have a boyfriend, Jake." I said quietly.
Jake blinked at me, realising what I'd said. "Shit," he sighed through gritted teeth, his head hanging to stare at the carpet. He ran a hand through his hair with his eyes shut, looking regretful. "Right. Sorry. I - I'm just - gonna go." He said, turning away from me, looking a little disappointed. I watched him walk to the elevator, staring at the floor.

I shut the apartment door. Jake was cute, but Matty was my world. I wasn't sure how to react. I didn't kiss Jake. I didn't want to. I felt like I'd cheated on Matty. I hadn't. Did I have to feel guilty? I didn't know.

I was drunk, but I didn't care. The wine gave me the courage to not cry all the time.

I remembered I had to ring him.
I dialled Matty's number, giggling drunkly to myself.
"Hey baby." I said happily, sitting on the couch, hugging a pillow to my chest.
"Hi." Matty said shortly. I felt a pang in my chest at his bluntness.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"We're at rehearsals." He said.
"So tonight's the first show?"
"Yeah." He said. His tone was stony and cold and angry.
"Alright," I sighed. "What's your problem?"
"Nothing." He stated blankly.
"Matty, you're lying."
"No, I'm not." He said, I could practically hear him getting more and more pissed off at me.
"Is this about me not talking to you before?" I asked.
"No, I'm fine." He lied.
"Matty, tell me what you're angry about. You know I hate going to bed angry." I said, feeling my throat getting tight.
"I'm not angry. How was dinner?" Matty asked, attempting to change the subject. I let the matter drop and went along with his new topic.
"Yeah," I pinched the bridge of my nose. "It was good. I met Jake. He's cool. Jo was cool. Everything was fine." I said. I didn't want to talk about Jake, because I knew I'd say something that would stuff this up.

"So how was Jake?" Matty pried.
"He was nice. Polite. Handsome. Ambitious." I said.
"Handsome?" Matty questioned jealously. I could hear him getting angrier on the other side of the world.
"He's cute, you know. Like a puppy." I said with a tipsy laugh.
"Nikki, how much have you had to drink tonight?" Matty asked coldly.
"A fair bit. But that doesn't matter. Why are you angry at me?" I asked, pouting.
A few seconds of silence filled the line. "I wanted to talk to you!" Matty yelled suddenly.
"I was busy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I have a life that doesn't completely revolve around you!" I shouted back.
"I'm on the other side of the world. I'm so worried about you, Nikki." Matty said, his voice softening.
"Why? I can take care of myself." I replied stubbornly.
"What if Jake makes a move on you or something?" Matty asked. I knew this would surface.
"That's what this is about, isn't it? You're scared about Jake." I said.
"I'm not scared of him. I'm scared that he'll try to do something." Matty mumbled.
"I'm fine." I said.
"He hasn't, has he?" Matty asked, sounding worried. I imagined his eyes narrowing.
"What?" I asked, feeling my stomach drop.
"Nik, has he tried anything?" Matty asked. I could feel the anger and tension in his voice.
"I - uh -" I stuttered.
"Fuck," Matty whispered quietly. "I knew it. I'm coming home." Matty said quickly.
"What? No! Babe, chill out. You're not coming home." I said.
"What, so you don't want me to come home?" Matty said defensively.
"Of course I want you to come home, Matty. But I won't let you. Because this is your dream, this is your life. Don't worry about me." I said.
"What did he do?" Matty hissed through gritted teeth.
"H-he tried to kiss me." I mumbled.
"Did you let him?" Matty asked, his tone cold and dangerous.
"Of course not!" I yelled.
"Okay." Matty said quietly.

"Are you still angry at me?" I asked quietly, reluctantly.
"I'm just frustrated." He said. I imagined him running a hand through his hair with his eyes closed, stressed.
"Why?" I asked, slurring my speech a little bit.
"Because of the timezones, we can hardly talk. When you're waking up, I'm going to bed. I miss you like crazy." He said quietly. He sounded tired.
"I miss you." I said with a smile.
"So what did you do after dinner?" Matty asked. He seemed to have cooled down.
"I'm talking to you. I only just got home, like, five minutes ago." I said.
"Oh." Matty said quietly.
"Babe, everything's fine." I reassured him.
"I know. I love you." He said softly.
"I love you too." I sighed.

"God, I miss you." He said, I could hear the smile in his voice.
"What do you miss about me?" I grinned, adjusting myself on the couch.
I heard Matty walking away from the noise in the background. "I miss your mouth." He growled.
"M-hm." I hummed, closing my eyes.
"Tell me what you're doing, what are you wearing?" Matty asked.
I giggled. "Well - I'm sitting on the couch and I'm hugging a pillow. I'm in that new dress I got a while ago."
"Mm, what else?" Matty asked.
"I'm getting out of the dress. It's tight." I said with a tipsy laugh, unzipping the fabric off my skin. I threw it off the couch with a giggle.
"And now what?" Matty asked.
"I'm in my underwear." I laughed.
"Take them off." He commanded.
"I'm not having phone sex, Matty." I laughed.
I heard Matty sigh heavily, a tiny ghost of a laugh in his breath. "I wish I was there."
"I wish I was there." I complained.
"I know." He sighed.

"I have to go, we're starting soon." Matty said, sounding reluctant to leave.
"Okay. Have fun. I love you." I smiled.
"I'll be dedicating every song to you in my head. I love you."

I fell into bed, imagining Matty smiling at giant crowds, living his dream.