infatuation // m.h

40

The next morning I woke up with Matty's arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest. It was warm against my cheek.
I smiled softly - this was what I'd missed.
The sheets from our bed had crumpled, cast aside last night, ending up on the floor. It was cold, the only warmth coming from our shared body heat. Matty's face was blank, his lips slightly parted as he snored softly. I watched him for a second - he really was beautiful. I forgot that sometimes.
I brought my hand up to his chest, tracing the lines of his tattoo absentmindedly. He stirred in his sleep, mumbled something incoherent, but didn't open his eyes. He turned on his side and wrapped his arms around me, tightening his grip.
I fell in and out of sleep, not moving. I didn't want to wake him.

I felt his chest rising like tides against my back. The contrast of his black tattoos against his pale skin was stark. His skin was warm against my cold body.
His hands were calloused against my waist.

Matty stirred in his sleep again, mumbling more incoherent half-sentences. I smiled. His eyes peeked open and he yawned, smiling at me.
"Good morning." He said, his voice gravelly and deep like it always was in the mornings.
"Morning." I yawned, stretching my arms out above my head.
"This feels nice." Matty mumbled, still half asleep, pulling my body even closer to his chest. I'd missed waking up next to him.
"I know." I giggled softly.
"I missed you so much." He sighed.
"I missed you." I said. I couldn't hide the smile on my face. I was so happy.
The room went quiet and I focused on our breathing, how in sync it was. We both took a moment to think.
"I'm sorry. For everything. I was a shitty boyfriend." He apologised quietly.
"No," I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I was a shitty girlfriend."
"Were you really jealous?" He asked me.
I nodded slowly, avoiding his eyes. "Were you?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Yeah." Matty said reluctantly.

I tried to get up to go and make coffee, but Matty's arms snaked around my hips and held me against him tighter, not letting me leave the bed.
I laughed, flopping back against the mattress. "Matty, I'm half-dead right now. I want coffee." I whined.
"Later." He mumbled, closing his eyes. He wrapped his leg around me, trapping me against his chest. I laughed and settled back into bed, turning to face him. I traced my finger along his jaw slowly. His fingers trailed over my stomach and sides.

Endless touching. Easy breathing. The rain still pouring outside.

After a few minutes of silence, I had burning questions searing themselves into my brain, begging for my lips to ask them
"Matty-" I started, "Can I ask you some stuff, and you promise not to make it into a fight? I don't want an argument." I explained anxiously, fiddling with my hands and wringing my fingers to hide their shaking.
He frowned and then nodded.

"Did - did you kiss her?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to fight straight after Matty had gotten back.
"Who?" Matty asked, clearly playing dumb.
"Gemma." I said, my voice just above a whisper. I was terrified of the answer.
"Would it bother you if I had?" He asked, his face devoid of any expression.
My eyes widened. "What are you saying, Matty?" I asked, feeling my throat burn and my stomach churn.
"I'm not saying anything." He said.
"Why would you say something like that if you didn't kiss her?" I asked, trying to keep my guard up. I felt tears welling up in the backs of my eyes, making them sting. His hands slid to touch my waist and I flinched away. A hurt expression crossed his features.
"D-Did you kiss her, Matty? Did you kiss Gemma?"
"No. I only had coffee with her to make you jealous because I knew there'd be photos." He admitted.
I sighed. His eyes looked sincere.
"D-Do you feel like you can't trust me, Matty?" I asked him, scared for the answer.
He looked up at me. "No." He said.
"No what?" I asked, not sure what he meant.
"I trust you. I love you. I know I get jealous easily. I'm sorry." He said.
"I know." I said, nodding. rubbing my eyes.
"Did you kiss that guy at the club?" Matty asked.
"No." I said firmly.
"Okay." He said, licking his lips. "So nothing happened? At all?" He asked. He tried to make it seem like he was okay, but he couldn't hide that his eyes were skeptical and a little bit scared.
"Nothing happened," I reassured him. "He bought me a drink and we danced and then he drove me home." I said.
"Okay." I said.
"I'm sorry I started all that shit while I was away. That was my fault. Do you forgive me?" He said.

I sighed and nodded, crawling closer to him. I buried my head in his chest and exhaled.
"I hate when we fight, or anything like that." I said.
"I know you do." He said brushing my hair away from my face.

We fell in and out of sleep for the next hour.