Best Friends (A Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter Sixty-Four

I woke up the next day to the sound of Jack crying, the perks of being a mummy - you have your own personal alarm clock. I got up and shoved my dressing gown on walking along the landing/passage to his bedroom/nursery and picked him up. I fed him and by the time he was sorted and dressed it was eight in the morning meaning that Rose would be awake soon. I texted Zoe while Jack played with some building blocks:

Me: Hey Zoe how are things? I met Bella yesterday she seems nice xxx

Zoe: Things are alright over here how are things and I'm so sorry Emily... sending you hugs!xxx

Me: I guess I'm okay, my kids keep me going and that's the main thing...xxx

Zoe: Fancy a girly day? It will help you take your mind off things and Alfie will look after Jack and Rose!xxx

Me: Yes!xxx

I quickly put Jack in his playpen and went to get dressed and put on a pair of jeans that I rolled up at the ends so they were three quarter lengths. I put on a black tank top which joined together with the straps at the back along with a grey woolen cardigan and brown sandals. I left my hair loose and messy and hardly put on any makeup because I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I got Rose up and she got dressed and then I drove us down to Brighton. We arrived at Zoe's and she hugged me really tightly 'I've missed you so much!' she shouted. I got Jack and Rose out of the car and they hugged Alfie and Zoe. 

We left the Zalfie house and I drove us to the shopping center after shopping in Next, Primark and Monsoon we sat down in a restaurant to grab food. We ended up in Nando's which reminded me of Joe so much with it being his favourite place to eat. I couldn't get him off my mind, even if I did something reminded me of him and I thought about him again. I couldn't help thinking about how happy he must be to have a new child on the way after all we had such a hard time trying and he must be so happy.

I was snapped out of my daydream by Zoe, 'sorry... I was-I was'

'Thinking about Joe?' she added.

'Yes, it's so horrible Zoe! I love him and now I've lost him Bella's pregnant!' I started to cry while Zoe sat there in shock. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you but I had to tell someone' I said sadly. I got up without having food and just left I couldn't be around anyone right now especially not someone who reminded me so much of Joe. 

I ended up just walking around the shopping center on my own but even then I couldn't get away from Joe, his books were in the shops, fans with t-shirts saying his name on were walking around and his name was circling around in my head until it made me want to scream for this all to stop. After two whole years I decided to text him:

Me: Hey Joe it's Emily, could you look after the kids for a while please... 

Joe: That's fine. How come?

Me: I need to sort some things out and I'm worried that I will be a bad mum while I sort out what I need to sort out...

Joe: You're not a bad mum, your a great mum!

Me: Thanks and congrats on your engagement and baby

Joe: Thanks... I'm sorry you had to find out that way :/

Me: It's okay I'm just glad that you're happy because that makes me happy x

I regretted putting the kiss but it was too late now. I met up with Zoe again and apologized before I dropped her back off and home and asked if they could have the kids overnight and Joe will pick them up in the morning. They both agreed but seemed a little worried about me I told them not to worry but they wouldn't listen. I got home and turned on my camera. 

'Hello everyone now this video is just going to be me talking to you guys and explaining things and expressing my feelings because I think it will help me out to do this. Be prepared for tears and broken hearts... Where do I start? So I moved to Brighton when Jack was born because there were no houses in London and I needed a house as soon as possible. Of course Joe had to stay living with Caspar and we started to grow apart because neither of us saw the other much. I was offered a job in Scotland and I accepted it turns out that I shouldn't have because I lost the love of my life...' I started to cry, 'I'm sorry guys, this is so hard for me... So anyway I moved and gave Joe back my wedding and engagement ring telling him to find someone better than me and well I guess he has because he is settling down and marrying again. After we got a divorce at first I was fine but now it hurts me so much. I still love him with all my heart and he will now never know just how much I love him. I guess Jemily is definitely over and I'm sorry that I fucked up. I guess I should try to move on... Now on to the more sad side for me I guess. The only reason that I am sat here making this video is because of my two children because without them I wouldn't be... Everyday that goes by something reminds me of what I have lost and it breaks my heart a little more and I guess I'm worried that one of these days I will do something stupid to numb all of this pain permanently. I guess what I'm trying to say to you guys is don't keep things bottled up because it starts to eat away at you until you can't cope and it all just becomes too much... That's all for this video guys and I'm sorry it's not a happy one'