Best Friends (A Joe Sugg Fanfiction)

Chapter Thirty-Two

EMILY'S POV

I wasn't sure of where to go now, I didn't want to face Joe right now because I didn't know how to cope with talking to him about this. It hurt like hell when Oscar died and if I'm honest, I'm still not over it yet I mean come on, he was my little boy I was so excited when I was pregnant with him but I never actually got the chance to meet him properly and it kills me so much. I couldn't talk to Jim or Tanya about this because they were busy, I couldn't talk to Joe without breaking down and my parents were gone and I didn't know where they went. I knew one person who lived far away that I could talk to. My Nan. I called her to tell her that I was coming to stay with her for a while. 

I walked back to Graham's to tell him and Joe. Graham had gone to the shops and Joe was upstairs looking through our old memories back when we were children. 'Joe' I said nervously.

'Em!' he shouted happily then he pulled me in to a hug. I pulled away quite quickly tears forming in my eyes, 'I'm going to stay with my Nan for a while, please look after Poppy for me' I said crying slightly. 'What the hell? Why?' He asked angrily.

'Joe please-' 

'What the actual hell Em?' he shouted grabbing a cup and chucking it at his wall where it smashed into pieces on the floor. 'I can't deal with this right now Joe' I said crying more now I planted a kiss on his cheek before leaving. I went home and packed a suitcase I wasn't sure how long I would be gone for so I packed enough for a month. I ended up dropping Poppy off at an old friends because I couldn't trust Joe to look after her right now. Then I got in a taxi to the airport.

After a 15 hour flight I had arrived and headed to my Nan's she opened the door and pulled me into a hug. 'My little Emmy Bear' I cried when she called me this, I hadn't seen her for years because of how far away she lived. 'Hush, hush don't cry. Come talk about it with me' she led me inside her house and made me a drink of tea. I told her everything, including Oscar. I then showed her a picture of him when he was stillborn which I kept in my purse, he just looked like he was sleeping. Seeing the photo properly again made me cry more because I tried to avoid looking at it as it hurt too much. 'All that I'm going to say to you Emmy Bear is that you need to do what ever is the right choice for you' I was still crying so she pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. 

She was right though, I had to do what was right for me including whether to stay with Joe or not. Maybe I just wasn't ready for any of this, or maybe I was too scared to do this. 'If you're having second thought Emmy then maybe you aren't ready to look after a baby so soon after Oscar? And maybe you should get rid of this one?' she said this sympathetically but sternly, I knew what she was saying though what if I gave birth to this baby and couldn't look after it. That would be more cruel than allowing it into this world. 'Nan I've decided what I'm going to do...' I said stuttering.

'What is it Emmy?' she asked hugging me tightly.

'I'm going to get rid of it, I can't deal with it right now and I'm just not ready yet' I had tears in my eyes because I wasn't sure how Joe would react but I was doing this for myself. As much as I didn't want to do this it was the right thing to do. My Nan called and booked me an appointment the next day for an abortion and then after that it would be all over.

(The next day)

I woke up and put on my usual relaxing clothes, sweatpants, tank top and hoodie. My Nan drove me to the clinic and came in with me to have the treatment. I cried a little bit before picking up the pill and swallowing it. That was it, it was all over. I wasn't up to doing much the rest of that day because I had the side effects of the abortion, sickness was the worst one I couldn't even stomach food! I hadn't spoken to Joe since the argument but I wanted to tell him about the abortion face to face and not over messages. I did however text him saying sorry but he didn't reply. I knew he had seen the message though because it was over Facebook and it comes up if the person has read the message. I lay on my bed and cried for a while until my Nan came in.

'Come on Emmy' she said hugging me. I cried into her shoulder a little bit because I knew that she would let me and be my shoulder to cry on literally. 'How about we go into the living room and watch some Disney classics like when you first came over. I remember that day so well you were 6 years old and your parents brought you here. We spent the whole day singing to Disney songs and making nicknames for each other' she laughed.

'I remember now! I called you NooNoo because of teletubbies!' I shouted happily because I loved this memory. We went into the living room and it was like old times again, we sang to Mulan and Beauty and the Beast. I fell asleep during Snow White because my last memory of the night was hearing the song 'Hi Ho'.

(Two weeks later)

'Bye NooNoo! Thanks for having me' I said pulling her into a hug.

'Anytime lovey! Do you have everything?' she said kissing me on the forehead I nodded and got in the taxi on the way to the airport. It was so nice to have family time again I had missed it terribly and now I hoped to see my parents again soon. I spent the whole flight reflecting on the past two weeks and worrying about telling Joe what I had done. Would he understand? Would he forgive me? As I thought this I got upset and buried my head under the blanket. I fell asleep for a little while and felt so much better after the sleep. 

I arrived in London but I didn't want to go home yet, I got my luggage from security got a taxi home, shoved my suitcase on the floor, grabbed my car keys and drove to Bath. I had to see Joe now. I arrived at Graham's and I now felt more nervous. I knocked on the door and Graham answered. 'Hello love!' he said in his usual cheery voice. 

'hello Graham. Is Joe here?' I stuttered at that last bit, Graham invited me inside and shouted Joe to come downstairs. He saw me and his smile dropped slightly I wasn't sure why but we haven't spoken since the argument so maybe he was still angry with me. 'Hey Joe, is there somewhere private that we could talk please?' he nodded and led me to the back garden, there were so many memories here I can remember the time I pushed Joe in the pond and the time when we played football and made goals out of the plant pots which Joe smashed. 'How's...things?' Joe asked to brake the tension.

'Things...things are good. Yea things are good' I said awkwardly.

'How's the baby?' he asked looking down at my belly which made me feel sick.

'Yea...Joe...about that...' I stuttered

'what about it? Is everything okay?' he panicked.

'Joe...there is no baby... I got an abortion' I had tears in my eyes now and Joe looked both hurt and angry. 'What?! Why the fuck?!' he shouted.

'Joe please!' I shouted back, 'I wasn't ready this soon after Oscar! Let me explain!' I shouted back a little annoyed. 'For fuck's sake Em! Oscars been dead for a year now!' he shouted but you could see he instantly regretted saying it but it still killed me. 'Wow that's low Joe Sugg. I never thought I'd hear you say that. You know what? Fuck you. I fucking hate you more than ever Joe!' I had tears falling down my cheeks and my makeup had ran all down my face. 'I absolutely hate you!' I screamed at him. 'This is the reason I did what I did. Because neither of us are ready and you're too childish you've just proved all of my points. Stay away from me Joe! I mean it!' The worst part about all of this was that he didn't even apologize, he just let me walk away like he didn't care but he made it clear when he said that that he didn't care anyway. I hate him so much! And I hate the fact that I still love him a little even though I want to hate him so badly.