tape → narry au

39 → nemesism

Nemesism:
frustration, anger, or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and one's way of living.

Niall wasn't anywhere to be found once I opened the front door to our cabin and that caused me to let out a breath of relief. Instantly entering the bathroom to change into my pyjamas for the night.

I thought once I'd exit from the bathroom Niall would already be here, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. Even if we weren't on the greatest terms right now I couldn't help but feel concerned.

Curfew was dawning and everyone were expected to be in their cabins soon whilst Niall wasn't anywhere around.

After wrapping myself within my plush quilts for the night along with beginning to relax, Niall finally made his entrance. The strong tension walking through the front door of our cabin with him.

I watched his lips curve into a broad beam, letting out a loud laugh from them too. I was just about to return a mocking grin until I realised his content demeanour wasn't directed towards me. Instead Niall was grinning widely at Miles and Dilan.

I didn't know Niall entirely associated himself with Miles honestly. Sure they'd have their brief discussions at group session and they'd give each other small smiles here and there, but I would've never guessed those gestures made Miles and Niall close-- or even friends in general compared to his friendship with Dilan.

Niall laughed again, waving a goodbye to the two before closing our front door to face me. Smile automatically fading as we lock eyes.

Niall tuts at me, murmuring incoherently under his breath as he begins walking towards his side of the cabin.

I don't let him get halfway there because once Niall took roughly several steps, I already escaped from my quilts to tackle him into a tight embrace. Finally growing a pair to interact with my blond haired boy. My Niall–the only one I missed dearly for the entire Saturday.

I feel Niall's body tense as I hold onto him tightly. It was almost as if he was hesitating to return the hug, but all of my doubts erase once I feel his arms enclose around my waist. Head lying comfortably upon my head.

And it stayed like this for a moment: Niall rubbing his hand up and down my clothed back as I further relax into his chest. Though all of the comfort disappears once Niall pulls away from me.

His eyes glisten as he stares down at me. Hand caressing my cheek lightly as he gives me a small smile.

"I can never be upset at you," he muses softly. "I'm sorry," Niall murmurs before kissing my forehead gently.

My eyes close instantly at the gentle action.

"You shouldn't be apologising," I hum. "I should be; I'm sorry for everything. For making you cry mostly."

Niall waves it off. Shaking his head before looking into my eyes sadly. The look concerning but I brushed it off not wanting to question it. Especially since Niall and I'd just starting speaking to each other again.

Another bicker was far from needed at this moment between the two of us.

Niall sighs deeply, grasping onto my hand as he leads us to his bed. He pulls us down warily before he looking away from my gaze on him. My first instinct's to sloppily yet delicately run my fingers through the quiff of his blond hair, waiting for Niall to speak again.

Maybe he's still upset with me but he's trying to be cordial.

He finally looks up to face me. Looking as tired as he did earlier this morning. I ignore the look on his face once I hear his voice fill through our cabin.

"I did something spiteful earlier," he mumbles. "And after I tell you, you're gonna hate me for it."

-

An hour later the both of us were sat in an uncomfortable silence. Niall waiting for me to speak but I wasn't planning to anytime soon. I was rather lost within my head, feeling nothing but disappointment.

That's all you really can feel when you find out the only person you've taken a fancy in snogged another person a few cabins down from yours, earlier today.

I couldn't even process the information. It sounded so unreal, far from true, inaccurate:

Niall and Miles kissed earlier and it was all because Niall was upset at me whilst I'm currently upset at him now. Rather angered actually.

But I couldn't be. Inwardly I can, yet outwardly I wasn't since Niall and I weren't in a relationship together.

Still, that couldn't alter the hurt, gutted feeling that arose instantly after Niall's confession.

I would've never expected Niall to admit anything like that. But he did.

"Harry."

I look up to meet Niall's eyes slowly before looking down at the coloured duvet on his mattress.

"Babe, I didn't-" I wave my hand to silence Niall all together. Not feeling in the entire mood to discuss this any further.

"Look," I mumble, rising to my feet swiftly. "I'm going to go to sleep," was all I said before walking to the right of the cabin room. Not spearing Niall a glance on the way there.

I trap myself under my quilts to intentionally silence my sniffling and the feeling of betrayal from Niall. I didn't want to have him running over to my bed quick to comfort me and assure me of any untrue words. I couldn't help but recognise the sudden switch between the two of us.

Just last night Niall locked himself in the bathroom to cry to himself and now here I was, repeating the same action. Assuming Niall's watching the scene just as hopeless as I was the night before–unable to do anything that'll overstep his boundaries to our shattering relationship.

Just like the night before I slept by myself. Deeply missing the daily coddles from Niall I wouldn't admit it out loud.

I didn't have to force sleep onto myself because the constant sniffling and tears were similar to Niall's coddles that had the same function: lulling me into an easy sleep away from the guilt, regret, and gutted emotions.
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-

And for the end-of-chapters enquires:

• What are your thoughts on Niall's kiss with Miles? Available or not, do you think what he did was okay?

• Was Harry's reaction understandable? What would you have done?

• What do you think will happen with Narry now? Something good or horrid? Why, Why, Why.

Leave your answers in the comments.