tape → narry au

52 → la douleur exquise

La Douleur Exquise:
the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

It was expected to wake up to an empty cabin without the presence of Niall about before group session early Monday morning again because I haven't been seeing much of Niall lately.

Over the free days he'd spend his free time at the bolder, making sure to inform me firstly to subside the future concern. Returning back before our mandated curfew.

One time it was a silent gesture though the following day the both of us spent the duration of the night talking about nothings whilst bantering about. Ignoring the real matter at hand, intentionally to avoid sudden discomfort and sensitivity.

That always seems to be the case: eschewing.

Yet I learned to find satisfaction from the deliberate avoidance.

I slowly rise from my bed to walk over to the bathroom—washing briefly before dressing into ripped black skinnies along with one of Niall's hoods.

The smell instantly overtaking my nostrils as I adjust the burgundy material to a comforting position. Slipping on my converse before exiting cabin nine for the mandated morning of a two hour group session.

Niall wasn't sat in his permanent seat once I arrive to the group cabin. I'd be utterly lying if I said I wasn't at all too surprised to not see his presence there between Carter and Cara.

His absence not at all stopping me from sitting in my permanent seat towards the back of the circular table. Head intentionally tucked between my arms to avoid the arrival of everyone else except Niall.

-

I chose to see a film with Liam right after our lunch visit at the canteen later on after group session. Feeling the sudden need of Liam's presence to distract me from Niall's unexpected but yet expected low.

The two of us deliberately avoided the topic of Niall, yet it didn't take a wise one to know once Liam asked how I was doing he was referring to Niall and I instead of just myself.

I still assure him I'm perfectly fine. Giving Liam a bright, faux smile to dissipate the concern prominently etched on his face—returning the amiable question to in which alternated the light off of me and onto Liam briefly.

Distracting him for quite some minutes as he rambles on about a specific topic. Leaving me to listen tacitly.

That's how myself and Liam's time has always been endured recently. Varied topics spoken by Liam as I silently, all the same, observingly listened to him intently.

As the treading towards cabin nine leads me closer and closer to the front door entrance, I couldn't help but feel a spark of nerves.

Liam instantly distract me from the incoming inward thoughts, pulling me in for a brief hug to murmur, "Had fun mate, see you soon," in my ear softly.

I easily wrap my arms around Liam's back, murmuring similar words into his ears amiably before breaking apart. Our arms slipping off one another's frame as Liam walks away from me whilst I open the front door to Niall and I's cabin.

Niall was sat on my mattress writing in the makeshift diary that Doug helped him create during a crafts session one day. Instantly closing the man made fibre material, directing his attention towards me.

I simply wave, feeling a minor discomfort erupting from the awkward tension between Niall and I until he sighs, beckoning me closer to him with his index.

I find myself obliging-- walking closer to Niall with no hesitation at all.

He's swift to pull me onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around my waist as he holds onto me tightly. I feel the necessary need to tuck my head into Niall's neck, letting out a contented breath because I was finally earning attention from Niall after the several past days.

I missed this.

All too soon I feel Niall's lips press against my forehead. Lips lingering against my skin longer than habitual.

"You look beautiful in my hoods," he utters. "Like a pretty princess."

I breathe out a small laugh.

"I love you, Harry," Niall murmurs into my hair, kissing it lightly.

I sigh, "I love you too."

Then it gets quiet. Niall nor I having nothing else to say because there honestly wasn't anything to discuss until I remember a brief question that spark curiosity from within:

"Niall?" I call out. Not continuing until I hear Niall hum in reply. "Why weren't you at group session earlier morning?"

He only shrugs responsively, fingers instantly caressing my back through the material I was wearing. Leaving me to automatically lean into the touch, yet I don't lean out of the topic of Niall's absence.

"Were you at the bolder?"

"Yes," Niall answers. "Then I came back here to do nothing."

"You could've went to group," I comment, detaching myself from Niall's neck to stare at him intently.

Niall grumbled. "Don't," he utters. "I don't need nor want your suggestions, I don't want to talk about it."

I sigh but nevertheless nod tacitly. Not wanting to press the subject any further to erupt discomfort or anger in the current conflict.

The silence causes Niall to sigh almost mockingly. His lips moving to press against mine briefly, though I manage to return the kiss simultaneously.

I remain on Niall's lap, quietness becoming almost peaceful until my spry mind decides to ask, yet again, another rather important question:

"Niall," I don't continue until I hear him hum responsively again. "Will you ever tell me what's going on with you?"

Niall doesn't answer right away but when he does, all Niall says is:

"No, probably not."

Leaving me to sigh defeatedly because his tone sounded entirely truthful.
_______________________________________________________________________

A.N: Niall's not his best right now. Can you figure or guess why? Do you ever think he'll tell Harry why?

What do you think he's writing in that diary/journal so privately? Think it has to do with why and what's making him close Harry out?

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