tape → narry au

58 → dor

Dor:
a deep, nostalgic feeling of sadness, agony and emptiness experienced upon intensely missing, longing, and yearning for something or someone.

I couldn't wait another minute.

Running to the bolder once twilit appeared so I'd have enough time before curfew appeared also, I wouldn't have to encounter other persons dispersed around Tape.

I really didn't want to talk nor see anyone except the bolder.

The familiar path seemed endless as I walked down it with my eyes fixated on the floor below me rather than before me--I also didn't want to attract eye contact from any other people lurking around.

I didn't look up to face my surroundings until I was certain I arrived to the bolder—the scenery different from when I last saw it.

There were leftover stands of yellow tape there along with markings that I knew weren't left by Niall and a wooden pencil that lied upon the sedimentary material.

The sight earning a loud gasp to erupt from within me. Strands of tears instantly falling from my eyes as I sit on the bolder alone. Realisation finally hitting me.

I blink repeatedly. Trying to imagine Niall right beside me. His hand locked with my own as we ramble about nothings simultaneously whilst looking straight at the water before us:

Sharing passionate gazes and endless amount of kisses that I should've cherished if I knew this was going to happen.

This, right now, was how I was going to end up:

Unhappy. Remorseful. Sad and any word described beyond that.

I use my fingers to wipe at the forming tears. Running my fingers through my tangles of hair before pinching the bridge of my nose.

I'm utterly fucked up right now.

If Niall was here, what would I say?

"God Niall, if you're here, I love you," I murmur more to myself just in case someone could hear me.

There most likely weren't anyone about except myself and possibly Niall, in my head.

I stammer a tick once I begin to open my mouth. The difficulty of finding the correct words as I speak indirectly.

"You're such a prick." I whisper. "But you're my prick, mine."

I wipe at another falling tear, looking up at the setting sun and thinking of Niall instantly. He enjoyed sunsets.

"I miss you," my voice cracks defeatedly into a whisper. "I miss you, so so much. It's hard without you here and it's only been a week. But maybe it's hard because I know you aren't coming back to me. You never will come back to me."

A branch falls from a tree interrupting my inward/outward conversation with myself. I didn't jump nor look frightened one bit. I didn't need to be.

"I've had a lot of thoughts about coming to you instead, but I know that wouldn't be the best outcome. It wouldn't be anything great in general. I just have to stay strong, for the both of us," I murmur, beginning to wrap my arms around myself for a source of comfort.

"And it's hard, Niall, it really is: staying strong. Staying strong to develop away from my EDNOS and now your absence and just–God," I stare up to the darkening sky, nearly shouting. Losing my mind in the process.

"Why would you leave me like this, alone? I wouldn't have done it to you, ever," I whisper pathetically.

Maybe I truly was pathetic.

I mean, I felt rather pathetic for shouting at nothing indirectly but I continue to yell and cry and shout until I begin to feel numb.

"I guess I deserve this sharp pain etching itself into my chest, I deserve it," I chuckle bitterly. "I'm such a terrible person. Maybe that's why everyone leaves me: my dad. The only friend I had back in school and now, you. You left me and it sucks. It really, really sucks."

I sigh deeply, "And I keep thinking back to that day. The day you told me to never let them take the light behind my eyes and I think you gave up because you thought they captured the light behind yours, but they didn't."

I smile for the first time in a week, reminiscing the fond, electric blue colour of Niall's eyes perfectly, inwardly. "I saw the light in your eyes every morning, evening, and night; everyday."

Twilit shifts to night by now, but I couldn't care less because I felt as if I was having a conversation where I believed Niall was listening, and just maybe, Niall was listening.

I just would never know.

I laugh lightly, "I love you Niall Horan, even if I only got to know you for about several months. I'll always be in love with you because I fell in love with the real you, not how others perceived you."

Another casual sigh arises from me. "I love you for your scars and your extremely loud laughter and you in general. I'll never forget you Niall Horan."

It was the truth-- I'd never forget Niall because he made himself worth remembering especially from my view.

Multiple trees rustle as I remain seated on the comfortable bolder. Feeling warmth from a nonexistent scenery but maybe that's just how Niall felt and that was okay.

-

I started speaking to Liam a bit more than I did the prior week. He seemed okay with that, satisfied with any response I'd give him and that's because he's a great friend.

He demanded me to move into cabin five because of the depressing setting I surrounded myself in daily and I didn't fight nor bicker with his insistency because it was for the best.

He helped me pack my belongings but he was doing most of the work since my attention was only focused on Niall's belongings within cabin nine. Every material of clothing he owned not moved nor misplaced.

After what felt like twenty minutes of gazing at the clothing Liam automatically brought me from my thoughts by saying, "What are we going to do with that stuff?"

I shrug. "I don't know," I murmur truthfully because I hadn't fully thought of any of that really.

Liam rubs at his nape unconfidently before staring at me. "Take what you want I'm guessing?" he mumbles, I nodded undecidedly, all the same I begin snatching up hoods and joggers I could picture myself wearing in a month or two from now just because of the engraved scent of Niall I'm certain I'd miss in the future.

I come across the makeshift journal. My breath hitching from the last time I saw the diary: Niall's suicide letter.

Liam must've sensed my hesitation. He murmurs, "Do you want to--"

I stop him with a confident nod, placing the journal into my rucksack without overthinking my thoughts.

I wanted to read it but I was entirely afraid of what was in there.

All of Niall's thoughts and plans written onto varied papers intimidated me to an extent but, my curiosity overpowered that intimidation.

I guess I'd just have to read it.
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A.N: What do you think will happen next? Do you think Harry will progress or no?

Do you think Liam and him will continue to be friends after Harry leaves Tape? Or Liam?

How do you think Tape will end? Maybe Lilo will have a happy ending and maybe Harry might too?

Comment, comment, comment.

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