Number 13: The Door With The Cat Flap.

Chapter 2: Getting on with it.

Chapter Two

Oh god im rabbiting on again! Right I promise I'll get onto telling you how these two pair of loony's came about.

So yours truly and Em were at a party again, I know seriously sometimes I think my life is just one big party (queue sarcastic har har).

Well Emily had just spent yesterday morning putting her fist through a glass window, and then all afternoon up the hospital, and then all evening down the station.

I can tell you now, if you've ever spent your day up the local A&E and then you're evening down the local Cop Shop, you're going to need a drink.

Especially with my little aversion to blood, it really was everywhere up that Hospital, makes my throat burn like hell! (No pun intended) I don't know why that is, I just know it hurts. Emily's the same too, so we were really ready to get the hell out of that place.

So off we went dressed in all our finest over to town. And I think, just think that we went the whole night without arguing with someone, and Emily not even attempting to knock someone out. So all in all, it was a good night for us, because if you drink as much as we drink, and then get carted off to spend the night in a cell, it isn't a pretty sight.

But I couldn't help the nagging feeling that we were followed the whole night, maybe I was just becoming paranoid after all them joints.

And no I haven't forgot, I was on tag, so when I say the whole night, it was more or less the whole evening and early night, then with a quick stop at the off license and a quick sprint back to the flat, I found myself with my foot through the cat flap again.

God bless the previous cat loving tenant.

Lying on the floor killing myself laughing, ankle deep in cat flap with my keys in my hand, and Em clinging onto the precious loot from the offie, we really did set a good advert for the estate.

Then they appeared (and I know im going to have to use a very cheesy innuendo here) but I really thought that my heart had given out (finally after climbing all those stairs for the past 2 years) and I'd died and by some mix up on the books id bagged myself a place in heaven.

No really, they didn't even look real. And I sure as hell hadn't ever seen anyone looking like that around here.

It was a man and a woman it was, standing there looking down on me and Emily, and I swear I feared for them at the time, if Emily caught them looking at her the way they looked at me, well… she was going to be bailing herself out this time round.

It was kind of like a retards reunion, like we hadn't seen each other for years, and we just stumbled across each other in the local community centre. Em just stood there staring back at them, I just laid there looking up at them, and they just stood there staring back at us.

Quite amusing really for anyone who might have been watching.

Then the man spoke, and I think we all came crashing back to earth when we heard his American accent. So I was still alive, they weren't angels just lost American tourists, if I was them id really rip into their travel advisor.

I was just about to explain why I happened to have my foot in the cat flap, when he said my name, and I swore to myself if he'd been through our bins and had done some identity fraud and paid for his little joy ride across the Atlantic with my dole money, I was going to kill the bastard.

And by Christ he knew Emily's name too! He knew everything.

I managed to compose myself enough to get Emily to open the door, and for me to do my special crab crawl over the threshold, and remove my foot from the door frame, and regain enough dignity to ask him who the hell he was, when the cheeky git, and his misses just strolled on in, like we'd invited him in (and we hadn't! they were clearly not vampires then, oh how wrong I was about to become)

And that about brings us back to the now, sitting here at my kitchen table squashed next to Emily, holding my glass of vodka rocks so tight that its actually warmed it up enough to be too disgusting to drink.